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Topic Starter Topic: Jokes thread!
reefsurfer
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PostPosted: 02-12-2005 01:56 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


Post away guys, lets have a laugh thread!

A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was on the run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he found in the bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started to move her head violently, at which the man got up and left the room.

The husband squirmed the chair across the room to his young wife and hissed, "Darling, I saw him kissing you. He probably hasn't seen a woman in years. Please cooperate. If he wants to have sex, just go along with it and even pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives may depend on it!"

"Darling," the wife said, spitting out her gag. "I'm so relieved you feel that way. He wasn't kissing me, he was whispering to me. He told me he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom."



He is getting his shit pushed in...bwahaha!
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mik0rs
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PostPosted: 02-12-2005 02:06 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


What's 6 inches long and starts with a P?




























A shit.
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reefsurfer
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PostPosted: 02-12-2005 04:19 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


bwahaha!

more...MORE...MORE!!!
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FlamingTP
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PostPosted: 02-12-2005 10:35 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


What body part does Goro work out the most?









The four arms. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
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andyman
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PostPosted: 02-13-2005 01:42 PM           Profile   Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


whats a tards favorite cookie







OOO WEEE OOOO *slobber slobber*
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Freakaloin
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PostPosted: 02-13-2005 01:44 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


mexicans r just proof the indians fucked buffalo...
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eepberries
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PostPosted: 02-13-2005 01:58 PM           Profile   Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


What do you call a bunch of whites running down a hill?












Avalanche


What do you call a bunch of blacks running down a hill?











Mudslide


What do you call a bunch of mexican running down a hill?











Jailbreak
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Freakaloin
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PostPosted: 02-13-2005 02:07 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


why do blacks and mexicans envy dog shit?




cuz dog shit turns white and stops stinking...
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FlamingTP
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PostPosted: 02-13-2005 02:15 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


An American a Mexican, and a Canadian are sitting at a camp fire and the Mexican is throwing cans of beans up in the air and shooting them.

The American asks "why are you shooting cans of beans?"

The Mexican replies "because where I come from there are a lot of beans. You try it."

The American throws a can of beans up in the air, shoots the Mexican and says to the Canadian "where I come from there are a lot of Mexicans."
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phantasmagoria
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PostPosted: 02-13-2005 02:36 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


What's red and only has one eye?

Half a dogs head.
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phantasmagoria
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PostPosted: 02-13-2005 02:37 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


What's white and can't climb trees?

A fridge
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FlamingTP
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PostPosted: 02-13-2005 02:38 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


What do you call a retard with half a brain?

























Geoff
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losCHUNK
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PostPosted: 02-13-2005 02:39 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


howd you get pikachu onto a bus


pokemon

-------------------------------------

a welshman, frenchman and englishman are walking along a beach one day where they discover a lamp, so the welshman rubs the lamp and out pops a genie promising each of them a wish

the welshman says "i am a farmer just as my ancestors, i wish the soil of wales to be forever fertile"

and with a blink of an eye the soil of wales is forever fertile

the frenchman says "my land is a beatiful country, i wish a wall be erected around it so it can be forever safe"

and with the blink of an eye, france was surrounded by a wall

the englishman says "please tell me more about the wall"

genie says "its 150ft high, 50 ft wide and nothing can get in or out"

the englishman says "fill it with water"

--------------------------------------------------

what do you say to a floating TV at night

drop it [LOL RACISM]

----------------------------------------------

why are [LOL RACISM] so strong

TV's got heavier

---------------------------------------------

german concentration camp

the german general approaches the POW's to assign them theyre daily tasks in the courtyard

he turns to the brits and says:

"brits, today you will be on the assault course, if you fail to obide by the rules, you will be shot"

he then turns to the americans and says:

"yanks, you will be repairing fences, if you try to flee, you will be shot"

he then turns to the blacks and says:

"today you will be running cross country with hans, if you fail to keep up, you will be shot"

"take over hans"

**vroom vroom**




Last edited by losCHUNK on 02-13-2005 02:45 PM, edited 2 times in total.
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phantasmagoria
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PostPosted: 02-13-2005 02:42 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


How many freudian analyists does it take to change a lightbulb?



two..

one to change the bulb and one to hold the breasts, i mean ladder.
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FlamingTP
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PostPosted: 02-13-2005 02:46 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


losCHUNK wrote:
howd you get pikachu onto a bus


pokemon

-------------------------------------

a welshman, frenchman and englishman are walking along a beach one day where they discover a lamp, so the welshman rubs the lamp and out pops a genie promising each of them a wish

the welshman says "i am a farmer just as my ancestors, i wish the soil of wales to be forever fertile"

and with a blink of an eye the soil of wales is forever fertile

the frenchman says "my land is a beatiful country, i wish a wall be erected around it so it can be forever safe"

and with the blink of an eye, france was surrounded by a wall

the englishman says "please tell me more about the wall"

genie says "its 150ft high, 50 ft wide and nothing can get in or out"

the englishman says "fill it with water"

--------------------------------------------------

what do you say to a floating TV at night

drop it *****

----------------------------------------------

why are ***** so strong

TV's got heavier

---------------------------------------------

german concentration camp

the german general approaches the POW's to assign them theyre daily tasks in the courtyard

he turns to the brits and says:

"brits, today you will be on the assault course, if you fail to obide by the rules, you will be shot"

he then turns to the americans and says:

"yanks, you will be repairing fences, if you try to flee, you will be shot"

he then turns to the blacks and says:

"today you will be running cross country with hans, if you fail to keep up, you will be shot"

"take over hans"

**vroom vroom**


:icon19: @ 2 and 5




Last edited by FlamingTP on 02-13-2005 02:51 PM, edited 1 time in total.
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FlamingTP
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PostPosted: 02-13-2005 02:51 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


A man finds a magic lamp and rubs it. A genie pops out and gives him three wishes:


The man makes the first wish and millions of dallars appear behind him.

He makes a second wish and hot women surround him.

With the third wish a bunch or KKK mrmbers appear and hang him from a tree.

The genie says "I can understand the first two wishes but why would he want to be hung like a black man?"
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losCHUNK
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PostPosted: 02-13-2005 02:56 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


a man goes to a new fancy toilet

so he sits down and does his business when he notices 4 buttons labelled: W, BD, AF and ATR

so he presses W and water shoots up his ass and washes it

thinking its cool he pressed BD, where a vent comes on a blow dries his ass

"hey hey, i like this", he presses AF, at which point a squirt pops out of a box and air freshens the toilet

"fucking hell this is cool", so he presses ATR

the nxt thing the man knows he's waking up in hospital presented with the nurse, "what happened" he asks, the nurse replies "your pressed automatic tampon remover, your dicks under the pillow"
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FlamingTP
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PostPosted: 02-13-2005 03:00 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


Jesus Christ. :icon28: :icon19: :puke:
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reefsurfer
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PostPosted: 02-14-2005 04:27 AM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


losCHUNK wrote:
a man goes to a new fancy toilet

so he sits down and does his business when he notices 4 buttons labelled: W, BD, AF and ATR

so he presses W and water shoots up his ass and washes it

thinking its cool he pressed BD, where a vent comes on a blow dries his ass

"hey hey, i like this", he presses AF, at which point a squirt pops out of a box and air freshens the toilet

"fucking hell this is cool", so he presses ATR

the nxt thing the man knows he's waking up in hospital presented with the nurse, "what happened" he asks, the nurse replies "your pressed automatic tampon remover, your dicks under the pillow"


HAHAHA!!
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losCHUNK
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PostPosted: 02-14-2005 05:54 AM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


these are a bit racist mind so if im asked to remove them i will :)

Q:whats the fastest thing in the world ?

A:ethiopian with a dinner ticket



Q:whats the 2nd fastest thing in the world

A:the bugger he knicked it off



Q:what do you do to a drowning ethiopian

A:throw him a polo



Q:whats the definition of a barcode

A:ethipoian family picture



Q:how do you stop an ethiopian from drowning

A:take your foot off his head



Q: How did the Grand Canyon Form?

A: An ethiopian went on holiday dropped a pea down a rabbit hole.
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4days
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PostPosted: 02-14-2005 06:05 AM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


had forgotten how many total dickheads posted here.
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reefsurfer
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PostPosted: 02-14-2005 06:20 AM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


4days wrote:
had forgotten how many total dickheads posted here.

STFU and contribute to the thread instead.
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LXS
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PostPosted: 02-14-2005 06:33 AM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


FlamingTP wrote:
What body part does Goro work out the most?





The four arms. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


Shit joke about a shit game.

You nearly destroyed this thread with all that unfunny.
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inolen
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PostPosted: 02-14-2005 07:34 AM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


FlamingTP wrote:
What do you call a retard with half a brain?

my brother


fixed.
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Nightshade
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PostPosted: 02-14-2005 07:51 AM           Profile   Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


FlamingTP wrote:
What do you call a retard with half a brain?



Mr. President.


Fixed more.
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boo
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PostPosted: 02-14-2005 08:07 AM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


FlamingTP wrote:
What do you call a retard with half a brain?



Mr.Blair.


Hammered.



_________________
Would you like some OJ?
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FlamingTP
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PostPosted: 02-14-2005 06:48 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


inolen wrote:
FlamingTP wrote:
What do you call a retard with half a brain?

my brother


fixed.


No, he is just a retard with a full brain unlike you.
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Transient
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PostPosted: 02-14-2005 06:54 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


Gollum's jokes were the best.
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Guest
PostPosted: 02-14-2005 06:56 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


Jackal :icon19:
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Guest
PostPosted: 02-14-2005 06:56 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


Want an encore?

Gonnakillya! :icon19:
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FlamingTP
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PostPosted: 02-14-2005 06:58 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


Shut the fuck up :icon19:
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The HavoX
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PostPosted: 02-14-2005 07:24 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


Q: How many guys did Kracus invite to help him change a lightbulb?

A: Three, but they didn't changed the lightbulb.

Instead, they tied him up and pummeled him. Then they took his wallet and drove away with his car.


losCHUNK wrote:
howd you get pikachu onto a bus?


POKEMON


:dork:
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losCHUNK
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PostPosted: 02-14-2005 07:37 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


o fuck off pokemon fun boi i thought you would appreciate it more than anyone
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HM-PuFFNSTuFF
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PostPosted: 02-14-2005 07:45 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


The HavoX wrote:
Q: How many guys did Kracus invite to help him change a lightbulb?

A: Three, but they didn't changed the lightbulb.

Instead, they tied him up and pummeled him. Then they took his wallet and drove away with his car.




Absolutely terrible.

Observe.

Q) How many Kracus' does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A) Several.
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The HavoX
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PostPosted: 02-14-2005 07:51 PM           Profile Send private message  E-mail  Edit post Reply with quote


HM-PuFFNSTuFF wrote:
Q) How many Kracus' does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A) Several.


your joke's not as bad than mine...

>:E
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