News of the Weird January 28th, 2022

LEAD STORY -- Wait, What?

Clive Jones, 66, a retired teacher in Derby, England, calls himself the "world's most prolific sperm donor," having fathered 129 children, with nine currently on the way. Jones has been donating his semen for nine years through Facebook, he told DerbyshireLive, because of the "happiness it brings" to donee families. But his wife of more than 40 years isn't so pleased; they now live apart. Jones explained that he drives to a park near the donee's home and collects the sample in the back of his van (complete with window curtains), then texts them to say he'll "be round in three minutes." England's Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority has issued a medical warning about Jones, saying, "If arrangements are made outside of the clinic environment, there can be medical and legal risks." [DerbyShire Live, 1/26/2022]


Inappropriate

Tourists and locals in Venice, Italy, got all judgy on Jan. 21 when a 30-year-old Czech woman stripped off her top and went for a swim near the Monument to the Partisan Woman, a bronze sculpture of a reclining woman that rests partly in and partly out of the water. After her dip, the unnamed woman climbed onto the monument and posed for pictures, CNN reported. "It's like going to Rome, leaping in the Trevi Fountain and then saying, 'What do you mean, you can't do this?'" said Mario Nason, who was walking by with his son at the time. "Why do people do these things in Venice that they wouldn't do elsewhere? They probably didn't know that the statue of the woman lying there was a dead partisan. But it's treating Venice like a beach." Police banned the woman from Venice for 48 hours and fined her $513. [CNN, 1/25/2022]


Bright Ideas

-- Zachary Taylor Blood, 33, of Galveston, Texas, pleaded guilty on Jan. 25 to trying to smuggle two men into the United States in a flag-draped coffin, The New York Times reported. Blood showed up at a border patrol checkpoint near Encino, Texas, on Oct. 26, where he told the agent he was hauling a "Dead guy, Navy guy" when asked about his cargo. But the agent, who was a military veteran, noticed the "rusty and dented coffin" and saw that the flag had been "crudely taped" to it. Agents explored further and found two live men, cousins, inside the coffin. One man told agents that it had been hot and hard to breathe in the box, and he had agreed to pay $6,000 to be smuggled to San Antonio. Blood will be sentenced on May 11 and could receive up to five years in federal prison. [New York Times, 1/25/2022]

-- The Irish Times reported that on Jan. 21, two men carried Peader Doyle, 66, into a post office in Carlow, Ireland, and inquired about collecting his pension. Staff and other customers became concerned about Doyle, as he seemed unresponsive, and made efforts to resuscitate him, but he was already deceased. While an investigation showed there was no foul play in his death, the two men were detained by police on Jan. 26. One of the men had gone to the post office earlier that day to try to collect Doyle's pension, but he was told the person had to be there. Both insisted that Doyle was alive but unwell when they left his home and that they helped him as he walked to the post office. They believe he died there. [Irish Times, 1/26/2022]


Sounds Like a Song

Danville, Pennsylvania, residents were warned to look out for three small monkeys run amok after a crash between two trucks on Jan. 21, The Daily Item reported. State Trooper Andrea Pelachick said a truck with 100 African monkeys on board was on its way to a laboratory when it collided with a dump truck. She tweeted that "a small number of monkeys may have fled the scene" after escaping from their carriers. The three escapees were later located and humanely euthanized. [Daily Item, 1/21/2022]


Teacher of the Year

Robin Hughes teaches special education students at SouthShore Academy in Tampa, Florida, where most of her kindergarten kids had never seen snow, United Press International reported. So Hughes got in touch with her sister, Amber Estes, who lives in Danville, Kentucky. "I said I want you to make me a snowman, and I want you to overnight him to me and see if he can make it to the school," Hughes said. "I want these children in Florida to see snow." Estes said she wrapped Lucky the snowman in foil and packed him with ice in Styrofoam, and "off he went to the local UPS Store." Hughes said her students had looks of "pure joy" on their faces when Lucky was unwrapped on Jan. 20. [UPI, 1/27/2022]


The Way the World Works

With a snowstorm bearing down on New England, residents of five homes on Hampshire Street in Metheun, Massachusetts, have a real problem: The city will no longer remove snow from their street. Mayor Neil Perry sent a letter to homeowners alerting them to the change, which he attributed to the street being private property. He told NBC10 Boston that he received an anonymous tip about the property ownership. But neighbors are not having it: "There is a storm coming this weekend. Like, God forbid 911 needs to be called in," said Collette Maksou. Cornelia Illmann hoped the city would reconsider: "We pay taxes, just as any other resident of Methuen does." However, the assistant city solicitor is holding their ground. [NBC10 Boston, 1/26/2022]


Oops

Diners eating on the deck at Flip Flops Dockside Eatery in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, were plunged into the Intracoastal Waterway when the deck partially collapsed on Jan. 21. NBC6 South Florida reported that three people swam to a nearby boat, where they were pulled out of the water, and two of them went to the hospital with minor injuries. Fire Rescue Battalion Chief Stephen Gollan said the dock had apparent signs of decay and areas that had visibly been recently repaired. [NBC6 South Florida, 1/21/2022]


New World Order

In an elementary school classroom in Berlin, one student is a little ... different from the others. Joshua Martinangeli, 7, is too ill to attend school in person, so a robot avatar sits at his desk and relays lessons to him at home. "The children talk to him, laugh with him and sometimes even chitchat with him during the lesson," the school's headmistress, Ute Winterberg, told Reuters. The avatar displays a blinking signal when Joshua wants to say something. The school district bought four of the avatars for use in the classrooms during COVID-19, but officials believe they'll be used beyond the pandemic. When asked whether he'll be happy for Joshua to return to school, his classmate Noah Kuessner said he likes it "either way because I like the avatar." [Reuters, 1/20/2022]


Least Competent Criminal

Augie's Grocery Deli in Jersey City, New Jersey, was the target of three robberies by the same crook over six days, Oddee.com reported. Not only did the masked perp take cash and merchandise, but he assaulted Augie Lopez, 77, and his wife, Nilda Moldonado, even though Lopez is disabled. The robberies took place on Jan. 10, 15 and 16. But when he came back on Jan. 21, Officer Maurice Johnson was lying in wait for him. "He (Johnson) was going to stand outside the store, but I told him to come inside and sit down, but don’t let yourself be seen," Lopez said. When the robber saw Johnson, he ran out the front door and into the arms of Lopez's son, Officer Agustin Lopez Jr. Travis Nealy, 34, was arrested and charged with several crimes. "I feel much, much safer now," Lopez said. [Oddee.com, 1/26/2022]

Source acknowledgement. News of the Weird by the Editors at Andrews McMeel Syndication