Longest Fart Contest

[xer0s]

Any new sharts on the golf course to share?

[Tsakali]

one time, i dreamed that i was constipated , but then I woke up in a pile of shit.

[MKJ]

Since some faggots around here like bumping years-old threads, I wanted to at least bump a funny one.

i was thinking of this thread just this morning. especially eraser's contribution. this was before you bumped it.

true story.

[Plan B]

a life

[xer0s]

lmao, I just read the thread again...

This thread could be bumped every 5 years to add more shit stories...

[Plan B]

[HM-PuFFNSTuFF]

[menkent]

i had the sudden-shit-emergency once in high school. i'd already eaten the lunch i brought when i realized the cafeteria had stuffing (which was surprisingly awesome). basically, double lunch in spite of impending track practice in the afternoon. it was the beginning of the season so i was out of shape and it was a brutal workout - pyramids (100, 200, 400, 200, 100, repeat, repeat). about half way through the workout i knew i had to go, but there was no way i was going to walk off the track to go to the bathroom as my coach would have murdered me to teach the freshmen a lesson. by the end of the last set i was in misery. finished the last 100 and basically continued sprinting right to the locker room bathroom while everyone else stretched etc. had that same feeling of not knowing which end the cramping doom was going to come out of for half a second and then unleashed hell. crapping when you're really sweaty is the worst.

[Captain]

I don't understand people who drop a single load and GTFO. I often shit for up to 30 minutes, meaning there is actual feces being blasted out of my asshole for about 15 of them and the rest is me recovering from the violent bowel bonanza by playing Fruit Ninja on my phone.

Today I started cramping bad when I got to work. I only lasted about half an hour until I said to my boss I'm going home, mostly because I knew I had front row tickets to the fecal festival and hate performing in public. The mind-numbing stomach pain boils to a point where I'm shivering and walking like a confused geriatric and only gets worse the longer I wait. So I hopped in my car and floored it towards the freeway, only to realize my ramp was under construction, forcing me to take another route and adding several precious minutes to my commute. By the time I was only a couple minutes away from home, I was sitting at a red light and my body had gone completely stiff from the pain as I practically planked in the driver's seat with my feet all the way at the floorboard and my ass hovering over the seat while the back of my neck fornicated the head rest. I shouted all sorts of obscenities to myself and any poor souls in my vicinity as I charged into the driveway like a maniac and got to the toilet just in time to spray a disgusting concoction straight into the bowl. Because I made it in time, not all of the shit in my colon had liquefied so I squeezed out a beast that was suddenly followed by the most horrific flurry of anal gravy and rectal chunks.

[xer0s]

Is there any evidence that damage could be done by holding a shit in for too long or if you do it too frequently?

[Tsakali]

Oh yeah?

[Eraser]

Since some faggots around here like bumping years-old threads, I wanted to at least bump a funny one.

i was thinking of this thread just this morning. especially eraser's contribution. this was before you bumped it.

true story.

lol, I totally forgot about having posted that.
Brings back some terrible, terrible memories.