Lols, they're the worst, having to use nearly an entire roll of paper on a single shit.
I always liken it to trying to wipe the tip of a marker pen clean, the shit just keeps on coming and coming and coming.
Btw, I'm going to try this:
While a mate was at Imperial College many years ago he was in the Union Bar and in strides the College Loony. "If I crap in my pint of Lager and then drink it, who's going to buy me another pint?" Many hands go up, so Loony buys himself a pint, gulps a third of it to make room and then heads for the basher. A couple of minutes later he returns proudly brandishing his glass with promised floater standing therein. A few seconds later the deed is done, and those that haven't run to the basher clutching their stomachs and/or mouths are buying the drinks as honour demands. As a grand finale / encore Loony eats the turd before starting on the free lager. It was of course a mars bar but I'd defy anyone to tell the difference after a couple of minutes immersion in watery college beer.
mik0rs wrote:Lols, they're the worst, having to use nearly an entire roll of paper on a single shit.
I always liken it to trying to wipe the tip of a marker pen clean, the shit just keeps on coming and coming and coming.
Btw, I'm going to try this:
While a mate was at Imperial College many years ago he was in the Union Bar and in strides the College Loony. "If I crap in my pint of Lager and then drink it, who's going to buy me another pint?" Many hands go up, so Loony buys himself a pint, gulps a third of it to make room and then heads for the basher. A couple of minutes later he returns proudly brandishing his glass with promised floater standing therein. A few seconds later the deed is done, and those that haven't run to the basher clutching their stomachs and/or mouths are buying the drinks as honour demands. As a grand finale / encore Loony eats the turd before starting on the free lager. It was of course a mars bar but I'd defy anyone to tell the difference after a couple of minutes immersion in watery college beer.
Brilliance.
But I'd make the deal for something more than just more beer.
I had to break a shit in half with a coat hanger the other day to get it to flush. The thing had to be a foot and a half long. I always wonder how in the hell the thing can be in one piece like that - it was curled in a big horseshoe shape of sorts.
Anyone ever had to resort to the use of tools to break a turd for flushing? Its the epitome of the idea that the use of tools is all that separates us from the rest of the animals.
My brother can clog toilets with shit alone, no TP. Dunno how he manages that one.
No tools for me, but I've amazed myself several times with shitting double my anus size. Both our basement and first floor toilets each give you two chances to flush when you've clogged the fuck out of it. On the first flush, the water backs up a bit and the shit swims around happily. On the second flush, it backs up to the point that one little dive from the log could cause it to overflow. The density of the shit determines the life or death situation. So it was another routine shit and there I am reading and straining. The first shit is critical on deciding a clogger or a runner so I drop a large and ghastly shit. I flush but my toilet gasps for breath. I look behind to spot this swimming beast because I felt its immense size and strength as it ripped through my rectum. So there I am staring at this monster and I'm not even done yet. I don't bother even trying to think about all the shit and pisswater splashing around the log as I drop several other pieces to complete the puzzle. After cleaning up, I get up and begin thinking about the situation, looking at the concoction of dark and colourful shapes and textures dancing happily in a bowl full of putrid-smelling shitwater. I decide to run to the garage and picked up a small container meant for flowering plants and gardens. I turn up the stove and boil some water to fill up the container with. Then I carefully drop a nice stream of boiling water on the shit, hoping to cut it into at least 4 or 5 bits. Unfortunately, it was only losing pea-sized chunks off its skin, that's how tough the motherfucker was. Had to repeat the pouring and boiling process about 3 or 4 times before it finally began to weaken and split apart into magnificent pieces, each bringing forth a wave of sickly scents. Counting my lucky stars, I go for another flush and they somehow spin into each other and still manage to stay afloat. Now the toilet was a millimetre from overflow. With my heart pounding, I break out the big kahuna, the plunger, and engage in a nerve-wracking plunge-a-thon as the monsters swim up and down in the ever-so-sickly shitwater, refusing to give up. I get ready for the worst to happen as I go for the final flush and plunge away. The water backs up all the way but accompanied by my grunts and curses, one major plunge sends the leviathan swirling down. I sat up on the bathtub side and announced my victory.
The skidmarks and bits in the bowl were still reminding me of what I just fought.
Ever since I've created the very best strategy in avoiding these head-to-head confrontations. Now I just flush just as the shit is leaving my ass, so the fucker falls into a flushing sequence that sends it directly into the plumbing. Let gravity help out :icon14:
Yea, I've mentioned in past threads that one of the most terrifying sights in the world is rising toilet bowl water when you are at someone else's house, especially at parties. Worst is when you are just taking a piss, and don't realize that the toilet was clogged by the last person to use the toilet, but the clog is deep enough in the toilet's innards that you don't see anything but an inviting bowl of crystal clear water. It can be a race against time to turn off the water at the back of the tank while the water in the tank rises.
