Godzilla pt. II

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Post by Survivor »

You're fighting The Naughty Sorceress (2)

As you're preparing to use that skill, the creature suddenly lashes out with several tentacles and wraps them around you, pinning your arms down. You struggle free, but are unable to pull off what you were trying to do.
She cooks you up a nice spaghetti breakfast. Sounds good, but it really, really hurts. Ow! Ow! Eek! Ow! Oof! Eek!

You lose 31 hit points.
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Post by Survivor »

You're fighting The Naughty Sorceress (2)

As you start to use that skill, the creature belches in a manner so disgusting that you have to pause for a minute to prevent yourself from retching. Blech.
In what is probably the most disgusting display you've ever seen, several of the creature's mouths suddenly vomit a bunch of blood onto its skin, which immediately clots into a huge scab. Tentacles then emerge and pick off the scab. The creature emits what seems to be a satisfied sigh.
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Post by CrinklyArse »

STOP
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CrinklyArse
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Post by CrinklyArse »

my turn to be annoying
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Post by CrinklyArse »

What's the most confusing day of the year for a Chav?
Fathers Day

How do you start an argument with a chav?
Speak!

What do you call a chav in a tastfully decorated house?
The burglar.

What do you call a Chav in a box?
Innit.

What do you call a Chav in a filing cabinet?
Sorted.

What do you call a Chav in a box with a lock on it?
Safe.

What do you call an Eskimo Chav?
Innuinnit.

Why are Chavs like slinkies?
They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight
of stairs.

What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit?
The bride.

What do you say to a chav at work?
Can i have a big mac please?

How do you identify the bride at a chav wedding?
She is the most pregnant one.

What do chavs use as protection during sex?
A bus shelter!
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CrinklyArse
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Post by CrinklyArse »

What do you call a large group of chavs decending on somewhere (a pub for instance)?
A Chavalanche

If you see a Chav on a bike, why should you try not to run him
over?
It might be your bike.

What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut?
One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.

What's the first question at a Chav quiz night?
"What you lookin' at?"

How do you identify the bride at a chav wedding?
She is the most pregnant one.


How do you get 100 Chavs into a phone box?
Paint three stripes on it.

Chavs in a car without any music. Who's driving?
The police.

Where do you take a Chavette for a decent night out?
Up the gary!

What do you call a Chav in a boiler suit?
Prisoner
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CrinklyArse
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Post by CrinklyArse »

What do you call a chav with half a brain?
Gifted.
What do you call chavs with a brain?
A crowd.

When do chavs cross the road?
When its safe.

What do you say to a Chav?
Big Mac with fries please

What happens to a thought in a chavs head?
It dies of loneliness !!

What do you call a chav in a suit?
The accused

Why do Chavs always travel around in pairs?
One can read and one can write!

What do you say to a chav in a suit?
Will the defendant please stand

What do you do if you run over a chav?
Reverse just to make sure

A bus full of Chavs were driving through Wales. As they were approaching a small town they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one Chav asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?" - The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said,
"Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing."

Whats a chavs favourite ice-cream?
Mint
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Post by Bdw3 »

:)
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Post by Survivor »

Arr ruin it will ya
CrinklyArse
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Post by CrinklyArse »

The copy and paste man is back
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CrinklyArse
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Post by CrinklyArse »

WARNING CRAP JOKES AHEAD
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CrinklyArse
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Post by CrinklyArse »

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices
a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads:
SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - 10 MILES.
He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on
without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign which says:
SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - 5 MILES
He realizes that these signs are for real. Then he drives past a
third sign saying:
SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On
the far side of the parking lot is a somber stone building with a
small sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF MERCY
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a
nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?"
He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested
in possibly doing business."
"Very well, my son. Please follow me."
He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite
disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door, and tells the man, "Please knock on
this door." He does as he is told and this door is answered by another
nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup. This nun instructs, "Please place $50 in
the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway."
He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup.
He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling
it shut behind him.
As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking
lot, facing another small sign:
GO IN PEACE, YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF MERCY.
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CrinklyArse
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Post by CrinklyArse »

Q. What do you call a ginger bread man with one leg?
A. Limp Bizkit.
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CrinklyArse
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Post by CrinklyArse »

A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
The friends says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"
The first guys says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them!"
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CrinklyArse
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Post by CrinklyArse »

A: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
B: No idea.
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CrinklyArse
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Post by CrinklyArse »

A:What do you call a dead deer with no eyes?
B: Still no idea.
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CrinklyArse
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Post by CrinklyArse »

Q: When does the (English) alphabet have only 25 letters?
A: At Christmas time, because it is the time of Noel.
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CrinklyArse
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Post by CrinklyArse »

Q: If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?



































A: Wet.
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CrinklyArse
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Post by CrinklyArse »

Q: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A: A stick.
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Post by Survivor »

awfully bad ones
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Post by CrinklyArse »

i know
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CrinklyArse
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Post by CrinklyArse »

OH CRAP MORE
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CrinklyArse
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Post by CrinklyArse »

Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A: A piiig.
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CrinklyArse
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Post by CrinklyArse »

Q: What goes Oh, Oh, Oh?
A: Santa Claus walking backwards.
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Post by CrinklyArse »

they get worse
Q: What do elephants have that no other animal has?
A: Baby elephants.
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