Dexter Season 5

[bam!]

less than the cost of monthly ass razors

[EtUL]

what do you mean "wait to download"...it's usually up less than 10 minutes after ending, and if I don't want to wait for the 720p version it'll download in around 10 minutes. And my internet isn't that fast.

[xer0s]

less than the cost of monthly ass razors

[Captain]

less than the cost of monthly ass razors

lol riddla is Q3W's lingering STD.

[bam!]

Don't Shave That Hair!!!
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my butt-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my buttcheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my butt of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My butt was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two buttcheaks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic poo- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my butt off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my butt cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my butt at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for butt-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my buttcheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your butt having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Guys, DON'T SHAVE YOUR BUTT-HAIR!

[Captain]

lol yes. $8/month...

No one cares about your salary

[Captain]

murr

You're really into my ass hair, I should send you a lump of it. What's the address to your trailer?

[seremtan]

wow, zombie dexter. this looks like it's going to be a predictable 'they think he did it' season, complete with group hugs and astor tantrums

shoulda quit after season 3

[U4EA]

shoulda quit after season 2

Fixed.

shoulda quit after season 3 [provided season 3 was never made and season 4 was actually season 3]

Or alternately, fixed.

[MKJ]

yes, season3 was a bit useless.
s4 however, was awesome. john lithgow creeps me out.

[Don Carlos]

Can Debra resist being a slut for two whole episodes? Find out next week on Beverly Hills Dexter.

and forcing some sort of debra romance is also weak.
BUT, we're only 2 eps in. we'll see where this goes. the serialkiller doesnt seem to interesting atm.

He seems pathetic TBH. Dexter could easily walk in there and cut him up while he's playing with his hair collection.


But of course he won't because then the show would end too early.

Erm, the animal dude is not the head guy here. Does nobody remember the other people he followed in the other 4 seasons?
A few randoms and the big bad guy who is found by Dexter and tailed.
Thought I do agree this one may be a little different in he might make a few mistakes (Dexter is not so perfect in the books)
The main theme will be the decapped woman & the cop who spouted about the killing not being drug related.

[seremtan]

thank god the kids were packed off to their grandparents. fucking astor and cody cramping dex's style

[bam!]

I've always thought an interesting storyline would be if Dexter discovers someone doing exactly the same thing - killing baddies. Seems like a great conflict of interests.

[EtUL]

Btw, no kill during this episode. Is that a first? Come to think of it, I think there have been others...

Yes, many times. Aside from happening just out of circumstance a couple times at least, it was a major plot point of Season 2. Lila...the addiction...

[Dr_Watson]

eech...

[EtUL]

AHHHN HELLLLLLLLLLLLL

[Tsakali]

If this happened under the watch of the original writers then it could have great potential, but I feel like whoever's left behind the wheel will fuck this turn of events up

[feedback]

Well I only just started watching but I'm guessing the "almost perfect" woman is some kind of psycho killer blah blah etc?

[brisk]

Well I only just started watching but I'm guessing the "almost perfect" woman is some kind of psycho killer blah blah etc?

Obviously building up to something with her, especially since they mentioned "why did she leave ireland" or something to that effect. Maybe she actually knew Dexter as a child too?

Either way, Dexters "happy" little world is starting to crumble. Is this the last season?

[EtUL]

If you aren't convinced that this season is shit so far go back and watch a few eps from season 1 or 2.

[feedback]

dexter hasn't quite gone Nip/Tuck Season 4 bad yet, but it's probably time to put it in the ground

[bam!]

This season has had way too many Dexter/Deb sucking each other's cock moments. Even worse when you know they're married in real life.

[Captain]

I don't know about that hideous sea cow that dumped your fat ass, but women don't have cocks, griddla.

[bam!]

Your trolling attempts are incredibly amateurish Crackshave Mazduh, much like every facet of your life.

[Captain]

he said while posting on yet another soon-to-be-banned-after-meltdown account.