Another friend of mine sells appliances at Sears. Last week there was a pile of human excrement in the breezeway between the outer and inner doors. In the middle of the day. How the hell...?
Or, when he found shit in the sink of the K-Mart bathroom. Say what you will about K-Mart shoppers, but seriously, how in the fuck does someone shit out a SINK?
Are you sure it was human? Some stores allow pets in them, and some people just naturally assume all pets are welcome. Or maybe it was from a seeing-eye dog?
As for the sink, that's just jerks being jerks. I had a friend who always wanted to take a shit on someone's car. He was about to do it to some people at a kegger, but they spotted him just in time. Since he still had to take a dump, he settled for placing one on the end of a dock.
It was the middle of winter and late at night when me and a couple buddy's decided to go out to BLM land and make a raging fire and let my dogs run around while tossing back a few beers. One of my friends said to toss another log on the fire, so my other friend goes behind a van and shits on a sheet of paper. He comes back from behind the van and it had to be the biggest, blackest, and smoothest turd I have ever seen. The fire light made it gleam like a wet black gem of emense proportion. When my other friend sees this he start's laughing and giggling like a little school girl, as the log gets tossed onto the fire.
After that, we all made a very conscious decision to stay out of the smoke.
The "log" had been on the fire a while, when he gets the bright idea to poke at it with a stick and gets a marshmellow sized orb of shit stuck on the end of the stick. As a joke he puts it in the other guys face, and it just so happens to be at the same moment he was inhaling. The motherfucker was basically forced to enjoy some turd smoke. Needless to say he puked all over the place and wasn't giggling anymore. Took him a long time to recover from the mental memory of the smell and taste. We where able to remind him of what happened weeks later and he would start gagging.
[xeno]Julios wrote:I have actually had the rare occasion where I simply lacked the muscular strength to withstand the assault, and the fart has escaped me utterly involuntarily.
lol
I know what you mean. I was on a second date with this incredibly gorgeous redhead...and we were racing up the stairs to my apartment to have sex.
She beat me to the door after giving me a good push on the last landing before my floor. When I still had two stairs left she reached the door. She turned around and said, "I win. You're on top first." And she gave me the kind of smile that would make any hetero male melt.
My reply to this was from my anus. A horrendous fart came out of nowhere without any warning at all as my last foot came to rest in front of the door. I didn't even feel the build up...it just blasted out of my ass without any effort on my part.
She just giggled and then - 5 minutes later - fucked my brains out.
But I still can't get over how quickly and forcefully that fart escaped me without any warning whatsoever.
Zyte -_- wrote:I completely recognize myself in the people here that need lots of privacy while taking a dump.
I can't believe romans actually used public toilets, where up to 20 men dropped their shit with no privacy at all. i read they saw it as a social and relaxing happening.
relaxing..
You should avoid India then.
They have public shits all the time. And they wipe with their right hand. Everything they do - eating, etc - is with their left hand...because of the...uh...job the right hand has.
It's apparently considered rude to offer shaking hands with the right hand in India.
I was in a hostel after a day of hiking and there were about 20 people in the place...it was packed. Anyway this one guy came in late around 5 am and was pissed drunk. He woke me and a few others up as he fell in the front door.
The guy crawls into bed, gets comfortable and then begins letting his rectum impersonate one of those cannons at the football games. He was launching one after the other....every 20 seconds or so. If there was anyone that was still sleeping when he came in...they were sure as hell awake now.
The guy continued for at least 5 minutes...every so often a new thunderclap from below his bedsheet. Then...after the farting had tappered off and everyone was getting back to sleep...the guy sits up in his bed, puts his feet on the floor and lets out a single, rumbling belch.
I sharted today while golfing (shot a goddamned 78 too...probably didn't help that I had to toss my boxers into the shitter's garbage can on the 7th hole and never did get a fully cleansing wipe...causing me to walk around the next 11 holes in 90 degree heat with the sweaty, itchy result of a mild shart.) I blame my four three-puts and on this.
