Quake3World

Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue.
Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo.
When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him in.
"Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he says.
"That's cool." says Bobby.
Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do.
Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie.
Peggy Sue's father responds "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it."
Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says "Whaaaat?"
"Yeah," says Peggy Sue's father, "Peggy Sue really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!"
Bobby's eyes light up and smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he has revised the plans for the evening.
A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go.
Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while dad is saying "Have a good evening kids," with a wink for Bobby.
About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father:


Highlight me:
"DAMMIT DADDY! THE TWIST!!! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!

That's not great I'm afraid.

i got bored after the 2nd line...sry...

hehehehe.

I just sat there for a minute going "Highlight me? that doesn't make sense.."

I don't get it.

How bout this one:

I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together.
I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic.
"Wow!", I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now!
I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"
She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge!
"Yeah", I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!"
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly!
She teased me, saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute!
"Anyway", "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!" she giggled...





...so I told her to fuck off.

hehehehehe.

Haha.

both raised a smile

i laughed.

then i saw the image and laughed again.

funny times :icon14:

lol, the second one was great.

i needed a laugh today too. :icon14:

Scott the Dragon Slayer had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death. One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio, the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Scott the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause, Scott the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Scott the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King quickly summoned Scott the Dragon Slayer.

Horatio the Physician then slipped Scott the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Scott worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Scott the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Scott the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins.

With his obsession now satisfied, Scott the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, shooed him away with no payment made.

The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's shorts.

The King immediately summoned Scott the Dragon Slayer...

The moral of this story is ..PAY YOUR BILLS!

lol good one GH

Damn... that was bad.

:icon19: sucking off the king...

I laughed. At all of them.

BTW, I could see the punchline without highlighting. Try color 212121 next time. :P

I'll try one, it's old as shit but fuckit.

This cruise ship was crossing the atlantic when it encountered problems and began sinking. Unfortunately only 3 people survived and washed up on a nearby deserted island.

The three people 2 guys and 1 girl first thought someone would come and rescue them but as time went on they realized no one was comming. Slowly they began accepting their fates and started living off the island. Life was pretty easy given their situation and soon both guys began having feelings for the girl who was pretty attractive.

So both guys began having casual sex with her and neither one was jealous and life was good. Unfortunately the girl began feeling bad about what she was doing and couldn't live with herself so she commited suicide! Both guys were devasted.

Life however goes on and both made the best of the situation and continued on. After a while though things started happening, human nature began to spring up on the two guys but neither one said anything and life was somewhat good on the island.

The two guys though after awhile on the island by themselves began feeling bad about what they were doing together...

So they buried her.

Kracus wrote:I'll try one, it's old as shit but fuckit.

This cruise ship was crossing the atlantic when it encountered problems and began sinking. Unfortunately only 3 people survived and washed up on a nearby deserted island.

The three people 2 guys and 1 girl first thought someone would come and rescue them but as time went on they realized no one was comming. Slowly they began accepting their fates and started living off the island. Life was pretty easy given their situation and soon both guys began having feelings for the girl who was pretty attractive.

So both guys began having casual sex with her and neither one was jealous and life was good. Unfortunately the girl began feeling bad about what she was doing and couldn't live with herself so she commited suicide! Both guys were devasted.

Life however goes on and both made the best of the situation and continued on. After a while though things started happening, human nature began to spring up on the two guys but neither one said anything and life was somewhat good on the island.

The two guys though after awhile on the island by themselves began feeling bad about what they were doing together...

So they buried her.

Kracus wrote:I'll try one, it's old as shit but fuckit.

Best of the bunch. :icon26:

*lol*

Jokes are never that funny written down anyway, but since I'm bored I will inflict this one upon you all anyway:

A man was walking down the street and could hear a voice shouting "13......13........13" he thought it was odd but carried on anyway. However the voice continued and got louder "13....13.....13" it went on. He realised it was coming from a small hole in the wall, so he bent down to look through it. A finger came shooting through and poked him in the eye. As he squeeled in pain on the floor he heard a giddy laugh, followed by "14.....14......14..."