The penis
Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 2:19 am
Penis: (n.) pl. penes - 1. long, smooth shaft and male reproductive organ; 2. causes Nightshade not to shit for a week.
Fellow scholars on the internet, this evening I held a meeting with my body in the shower. The main topic of discussion was, much to his surprise, the penis. A recent scientific experiment I hypothesized and completed successfully provided evidence for my thesis that the penis has a mind of its own. Let's take into consideration the art of masturbation. Why does our brain never cut off circulation to the heart and order the hand to release the penis? Because the penis controls the mind. It is this reason alone that people, good people such as Massive Queefarse are thrust into a world of solitude and abstinence, just because of a penile feud that escalated into a ruined life. As if more proof was required, men are but mere hosts to the sentient lifeform known as the rumpled stiltskin. The brain does not have the strength to stop the rest of the body once it realizes an erection has been caused by the hand and not a vagina. Many scientists believe the event consists of the brain nagging "that's not a woman" and "you'll ruin your carpet". The penis then threatens to insert itself into another man's anal sphincter unless it is allowed to go through with its plans. To this, the brain has no objection. It must watch as thousands of innocent sperm are spilled into the cruel and cold world and will never know the pleasures of penetrating the most dangerous defences known to man and reaching the ever-elusive egg.
This moment of righteousness has been brought to you by Sleeman Brewery Corp.
Fellow scholars on the internet, this evening I held a meeting with my body in the shower. The main topic of discussion was, much to his surprise, the penis. A recent scientific experiment I hypothesized and completed successfully provided evidence for my thesis that the penis has a mind of its own. Let's take into consideration the art of masturbation. Why does our brain never cut off circulation to the heart and order the hand to release the penis? Because the penis controls the mind. It is this reason alone that people, good people such as Massive Queefarse are thrust into a world of solitude and abstinence, just because of a penile feud that escalated into a ruined life. As if more proof was required, men are but mere hosts to the sentient lifeform known as the rumpled stiltskin. The brain does not have the strength to stop the rest of the body once it realizes an erection has been caused by the hand and not a vagina. Many scientists believe the event consists of the brain nagging "that's not a woman" and "you'll ruin your carpet". The penis then threatens to insert itself into another man's anal sphincter unless it is allowed to go through with its plans. To this, the brain has no objection. It must watch as thousands of innocent sperm are spilled into the cruel and cold world and will never know the pleasures of penetrating the most dangerous defences known to man and reaching the ever-elusive egg.
This moment of righteousness has been brought to you by Sleeman Brewery Corp.
