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Jokes thread!
Posted: Sat Feb 12, 2005 9:56 pm
by reefsurfer
Post away guys, lets have a laugh thread!
A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was on the run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he found in the bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started to move her head violently, at which the man got up and left the room.
The husband squirmed the chair across the room to his young wife and hissed, "Darling, I saw him kissing you. He probably hasn't seen a woman in years. Please cooperate. If he wants to have sex, just go along with it and even pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives may depend on it!"
"Darling," the wife said, spitting out her gag. "I'm so relieved you feel that way. He wasn't kissing me, he was whispering to me. He told me he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom."
He is getting his shit pushed in...bwahaha!
Posted: Sat Feb 12, 2005 10:06 pm
by mik0rs
What's 6 inches long and starts with a P?
A shit.
Posted: Sun Feb 13, 2005 12:19 am
by reefsurfer
bwahaha!
more...MORE...MORE!!!
Posted: Sun Feb 13, 2005 6:35 am
by FlamingTP
What body part does Goro work out the most?
The four arms. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Posted: Sun Feb 13, 2005 9:42 pm
by andyman
whats a tards favorite cookie
OOO WEEE OOOO *slobber slobber*
Posted: Sun Feb 13, 2005 9:44 pm
by Freakaloin
mexicans r just proof the indians fucked buffalo...
Posted: Sun Feb 13, 2005 9:58 pm
by eepberries
What do you call a bunch of whites running down a hill?
Avalanche
What do you call a bunch of blacks running down a hill?
Mudslide
What do you call a bunch of mexican running down a hill?
Jailbreak
Posted: Sun Feb 13, 2005 10:07 pm
by Freakaloin
why do blacks and mexicans envy dog shit?
cuz dog shit turns white and stops stinking...
Posted: Sun Feb 13, 2005 10:15 pm
by FlamingTP
An American a Mexican, and a Canadian are sitting at a camp fire and the Mexican is throwing cans of beans up in the air and shooting them.
The American asks "why are you shooting cans of beans?"
The Mexican replies "because where I come from there are a lot of beans. You try it."
The American throws a can of beans up in the air, shoots the Mexican and says to the Canadian "where I come from there are a lot of Mexicans."
Posted: Sun Feb 13, 2005 10:36 pm
by phantasmagoria
What's red and only has one eye?
Half a dogs head.
Posted: Sun Feb 13, 2005 10:37 pm
by phantasmagoria
What's white and can't climb trees?
A fridge
Posted: Sun Feb 13, 2005 10:38 pm
by FlamingTP
What do you call a retard with half a brain?
Geoff
Posted: Sun Feb 13, 2005 10:39 pm
by losCHUNK
howd you get pikachu onto a bus
pokemon
-------------------------------------
a welshman, frenchman and englishman are walking along a beach one day where they discover a lamp, so the welshman rubs the lamp and out pops a genie promising each of them a wish
the welshman says "i am a farmer just as my ancestors, i wish the soil of wales to be forever fertile"
and with a blink of an eye the soil of wales is forever fertile
the frenchman says "my land is a beatiful country, i wish a wall be erected around it so it can be forever safe"
and with the blink of an eye, france was surrounded by a wall
the englishman says "please tell me more about the wall"
genie says "its 150ft high, 50 ft wide and nothing can get in or out"
the englishman says "fill it with water"
--------------------------------------------------
what do you say to a floating TV at night
drop it nigga
----------------------------------------------
why are niggas so strong
TV's got heavier
---------------------------------------------
german concentration camp
the german general approaches the POW's to assign them theyre daily tasks in the courtyard
he turns to the brits and says:
"brits, today you will be on the assault course, if you fail to obide by the rules, you will be shot"
he then turns to the americans and says:
"yanks, you will be repairing fences, if you try to flee, you will be shot"
he then turns to the blacks and says:
"today you will be running cross country with hans, if you fail to keep up, you will be shot"
"take over hans"
**vroom vroom**
Posted: Sun Feb 13, 2005 10:42 pm
by phantasmagoria
How many freudian analyists does it take to change a lightbulb?
two..
one to change the bulb and one to hold the breasts, i mean ladder.
Posted: Sun Feb 13, 2005 10:46 pm
by FlamingTP
losCHUNK wrote:howd you get pikachu onto a bus
pokemon
-------------------------------------
a welshman, frenchman and englishman are walking along a beach one day where they discover a lamp, so the welshman rubs the lamp and out pops a genie promising each of them a wish
the welshman says "i am a farmer just as my ancestors, i wish the soil of wales to be forever fertile"
and with a blink of an eye the soil of wales is forever fertile
the frenchman says "my land is a beatiful country, i wish a wall be erected around it so it can be forever safe"
and with the blink of an eye, france was surrounded by a wall
the englishman says "please tell me more about the wall"
genie says "its 150ft high, 50 ft wide and nothing can get in or out"
the englishman says "fill it with water"
--------------------------------------------------
what do you say to a floating TV at night
drop it *****
----------------------------------------------
why are ***** so strong
TV's got heavier
---------------------------------------------
german concentration camp
the german general approaches the POW's to assign them theyre daily tasks in the courtyard
he turns to the brits and says:
"brits, today you will be on the assault course, if you fail to obide by the rules, you will be shot"
he then turns to the americans and says:
"yanks, you will be repairing fences, if you try to flee, you will be shot"
he then turns to the blacks and says:
"today you will be running cross country with hans, if you fail to keep up, you will be shot"
"take over hans"
**vroom vroom**
:icon19: @ 2 and 5
Posted: Sun Feb 13, 2005 10:51 pm
by FlamingTP
A man finds a magic lamp and rubs it. A genie pops out and gives him three wishes:
The man makes the first wish and millions of dallars appear behind him.
He makes a second wish and hot women surround him.
With the third wish a bunch or KKK mrmbers appear and hang him from a tree.
The genie says "I can understand the first two wishes but why would he want to be hung like a black man?"
Posted: Sun Feb 13, 2005 10:56 pm
by losCHUNK
a man goes to a new fancy toilet
so he sits down and does his business when he notices 4 buttons labelled: W, BD, AF and ATR
so he presses W and water shoots up his ass and washes it
thinking its cool he pressed BD, where a vent comes on a blow dries his ass
"hey hey, i like this", he presses AF, at which point a squirt pops out of a box and air freshens the toilet
"fucking hell this is cool", so he presses ATR
the nxt thing the man knows he's waking up in hospital presented with the nurse, "what happened" he asks, the nurse replies "your pressed automatic tampon remover, your dicks under the pillow"
Posted: Sun Feb 13, 2005 11:00 pm
by FlamingTP
Jesus Christ. :icon28: :icon19:
Posted: Mon Feb 14, 2005 12:27 pm
by reefsurfer
losCHUNK wrote:a man goes to a new fancy toilet
so he sits down and does his business when he notices 4 buttons labelled: W, BD, AF and ATR
so he presses W and water shoots up his ass and washes it
thinking its cool he pressed BD, where a vent comes on a blow dries his ass
"hey hey, i like this", he presses AF, at which point a squirt pops out of a box and air freshens the toilet
"fucking hell this is cool", so he presses ATR
the nxt thing the man knows he's waking up in hospital presented with the nurse, "what happened" he asks, the nurse replies "your pressed automatic tampon remover, your dicks under the pillow"
HAHAHA!!
Posted: Mon Feb 14, 2005 1:54 pm
by losCHUNK
these are a bit racist mind so if im asked to remove them i will
Q:whats the fastest thing in the world ?
A:ethiopian with a dinner ticket
Q:whats the 2nd fastest thing in the world
A:the bugger he knicked it off
Q:what do you do to a drowning ethiopian
A:throw him a polo
Q:whats the definition of a barcode
A:ethipoian family picture
Q:how do you stop an ethiopian from drowning
A:take your foot off his head
Q: How did the Grand Canyon Form?
A: An ethiopian went on holiday dropped a pea down a rabbit hole.
Posted: Mon Feb 14, 2005 2:05 pm
by 4days
had forgotten how many total dickheads posted here.
Posted: Mon Feb 14, 2005 2:20 pm
by reefsurfer
4days wrote:had forgotten how many total dickheads posted here.
STFU and contribute to the thread instead.
Posted: Mon Feb 14, 2005 2:33 pm
by LXS
FlamingTP wrote:What body part does Goro work out the most?
The four arms. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Shit joke about a shit game.
You nearly destroyed this thread with all that unfunny.
Posted: Mon Feb 14, 2005 3:34 pm
by inolen
FlamingTP wrote:What do you call a retard with half a brain?
my brother
fixed.
Posted: Mon Feb 14, 2005 3:51 pm
by Nightshade
FlamingTP wrote:What do you call a retard with half a brain?
Mr. President.
Fixed more.