gots me a random email :icon27:The Truth: We did a presenstation at EIU a few weeks ago. Then i did another
one at ISU a couple weeks ago. beacause of the storm and tornado
warning/watch or w/e. shyt was shut down early. only made it thru half the
event, so this week i found out were goin back. and thats where i am now.
Now were hittin the road. and im typin on my professors PDA. if u believe
that.
The Reason: Last night i called u from my room. when i called u sounded all
extra relaxed and wut not like sumthin was goin on. and ur story was kinda
off. How are u busy and not able to talk, but not doin nothin? weird. so, me
being me, i called back, from my room again, and no where near my cpu. so
IDK wut u heard. and ur story, though more detailed, still seemed off. but
alas, after a 2 min "on hold period" you come back to the phone with this
time a buncha crappy soundin vomitin sounds in the background to try and
seal the deal. nice placed, but seemed too convieniently placed. so i was
still confused. next i called from the walmart, which explains the people u
heard. lastly i called you from my car at 4AM after drivin around town for 2
hrs thinkin about stuff.
My Reasons: I realized lately that i dont seem to be wanted in your life.
Even as scarse as i try to make our contacts. it still seems like im on
longer wanted. and it hurts. its closer to grad. and yes, ill admit, i been
thinkin about you alot. prolly more than i should. I jus really couldnt wait
to get back in your life as your lover. and not this in the middle thing. i
try to pry info from u about wuts goin on. cuz believe it or not, im waitin
for u. in the sense that, im jus doin me and not even focusin on any otha
possiblity if bein wit some1 else, ever. but alas, i dont see that from u.
its weird cuz ertime i feel any type of confidence in our future, it comes
to an abrupt halt. i really am a jealous guy right now. i really dont want
nobody to even come close to havin u. yes, its selfish, i guess, but its how
i feel. i want us to get back up, and start over a new wit no ends tied to
others. and i do feel that lil homie is a loose end ur tyin up. Im jealous
that he may have access to ur heart more than some sexual stuff. if yall do
fuq, thats all it is; a fuq. it wont be better than me cuz how can u go
surpass perfection? :-) i jus feel like yall could get close. i mean u
already lied to kinda be with him, before i found out, and like u said were
not together so u can do wut u want. answer to no1. no reprecussions 4 wut u
do cuz im not with any1. i jus feel like it bein less than 2 months since
our break up (Mon.feb.20th) it would harsh for me to come to terms wit u
"testin the waters" wit sum1 else so soon. but thats me, u may feel diff.
thats wut drives me to kinda do damage control. i care about u and wutever
future we could have so much. i jus dont want nothin to stand in the way of
it. Maybe im wrong, maybe if i let u go, and not care wut u did or who u was
wit, you'd get out there and u'd apprecitate me more. but i jus cant take
that chance. it could backfire. hell it sorta has. u already made room in ur
heart for anotha dude. maybe im assumin alot, i jus feel like that he has
alotta power, and i hate it. yall are "talkin", gettin close, ur lyin to me
2 cover yall shyt up. i mean wow. this is you, the same person who says she
could never lie 2 me cuz she loves me too much and could never be with any1
else. i still love u to death sam, and i cant apologize for wut i do during
this lil prd were apart, cuz im dayum near nuts. i can apologize for how
they affect u and hurt u . so yea im sorry. but i do wut i do cuz i jus fear
losin you so much that i do wut ends up bein stupid stuff and mmakin shyt
worse. u cant understand cuz u dont know how much i love u or how far it
goes. i really wish i could be like u and not care wut the other person
does, cuz were not together. but i cant. my heart wont let me. ill never
love any1 as much and go thru so much crap for any1 else. And no dude, no
matter how sweet they talk to u, and put me down, will love u i like i love
u. i hope u realize that besides bein pissed cuz u think im a chronic liar.
ima good dude, i really am. i jus dont wanna regret that i aint do all i
could to get u back. when we en up not together.
i say this ertime i write u a email, but im really go try to jus leave u
alone and wait for u to come to me. when u ready. and if it dont happen then
it wont. ill hate never beoin with u, but i know that wutever u do/feel
right now cannot be changed by me. i dont kno how long ill hold out before i
call and bother u again, but i swear 2 God ima try so hard to jus leave u
alone, put u outta my thoughts and jus live for me, and not for u. cuz i
think thats how u live. for urself. which in the end i respect. maybe i jus
love u more. its happened 2x to me before.
ill never stop lovin u sam, and i really wish shyt wasnt like this. i miss
u. bye.
least i still have our dvds and old emails 2 read.
in the end, and that no1 replaces me as ur friend/man/lover
i jus hope we end up together, and be happy.
i love u again. bye
is this some form of covert spam?