during one of my regulation google searches involving penii

Post by **phantasmagoria** » Sat May 20, 2006 2:11 pm

* Always remember that your penis and testicles are soft tissue through and through. There’s no bone to stop the blade/teeth/saw/gears/fan/propeller from cutting/grinding/chopping/smashing/avulsing (grind up in machinery)/pulverizing your poor penis into little bits.

* Never cook/ski/fight/drive/saw/weld/slam doors/operate machinery/play with the cat/dog/ lean over anything moving - in the nude.

* Never stick you penis through a hole in a fence unless you’re very sure of your footing.

* Never piss on anything near a sign that reads “Danger - High Voltage.”

* Never stick your dick into any orifice that wasn’t designed for the purpose.

* Always - if you must disregard rule five - check said orifice first. This includes knot holes in trees. Knot holes are often nested by creatures who may misinterpret your intentions.

* Never accept oral sex in a moving vehicle. I know, I know, it’s a right of passage. I’m just saying...

* Never attempt to leap over furniture whilst sporting an erection. Hard things can be broken and I’m not talking about the furniture. I know, I know, I’ve done it myself. I’m just saying...

* Never, stick a revolver into the waistband of your pants no matter how cool it looks on TV. Every man has thought about what could happen and I’m here to tell you... It happens.

* Never teach your dog to eat food off your dick no matter how funny everyone thinks it is. I’m willing to bet a significant portion of the population has done this to no ill effect but there have been cases where Rover has taken some extreme liberties.

* Always seek medical help as quickly as possible after dick-injury, NO MATTER HOW EMBARRASSED YOU ARE. Delays in seeking treatment are probably the number one avoidable cause of permanent dick damage. Okay, you’ve done something really stupid and now your dick’s all fucked up. A moment of abashment is in no way equal to a lifetime of peeing sitting down.

* Always be careful with that zipper.

* Never engage in games of one-upmanship over who can suspend the greatest weight from his dick.

* Never masturbate if you’ve been working with super-glue.

* Never masturbate with anything that’s plugged in to a mains socket.

Post by **corsair** » Sat May 20, 2006 2:44 pm

"Knot holes are often nested by creatures who may misinterpret your intentions"

lol...
nice find

Post by **MKJ** » Sat May 20, 2006 3:03 pm

the plural of penis is penes, not penii
penii would be the plural of penus

Post by **phantasmagoria** » Sat May 20, 2006 3:05 pm

but penii sounds cool

Post by **CrinklyArse** » Sat May 20, 2006 3:18 pm

You forgot about the candirú fish.

Post by **Grudge** » Sun May 21, 2006 11:05 am

MKJ wrote:penus

Am I the only one who sees the potential here?

Post by **Captain** » Sun May 21, 2006 5:28 pm

:lolermo:

Post by **MKJ** » Sun May 21, 2006 5:51 pm

Grudge wrote:
MKJ wrote:penus
Am I the only one who sees the potential here?

you see potential in the plural of penis?

Post by **feedback** » Sun May 21, 2006 6:58 pm

I've done the zipper one, once. Now I always wear button-fly jeans.

Post by **Captain** » Mon May 22, 2006 12:33 am

feedback wrote:I've done the zipper one, once. Now I always wear button-fly jeans.

I was with my friends one time at a lake and we decided to swim around a bit. I didn't have any trunks so I took off my underwear and wore only my shorts. Let's just say it wasn't a good feeling when I zipped it up.

Post by **LawL** » Mon May 22, 2006 12:57 am

Was it a good feeling when your friends unzipped it?

Post by **Captain** » Mon May 22, 2006 4:26 am

Again with the faggotry. Poor guy can't control his urges.

Post by **LawL** » Mon May 22, 2006 6:39 am

Yeah, you really should try harder with the self discipline.

Post by **Captain** » Mon May 22, 2006 4:38 pm

Here comes the bitter obsession...