The penis

Post by **Captain** » Tue Apr 10, 2007 2:19 am

Penis: (n.) pl. penes - 1. long, smooth shaft and male reproductive organ; 2. causes Nightshade not to shit for a week.

Fellow scholars on the internet, this evening I held a meeting with my body in the shower. The main topic of discussion was, much to his surprise, the penis. A recent scientific experiment I hypothesized and completed successfully provided evidence for my thesis that the penis has a mind of its own. Let's take into consideration the art of masturbation. Why does our brain never cut off circulation to the heart and order the hand to release the penis? Because the penis controls the mind. It is this reason alone that people, good people such as Massive Queefarse are thrust into a world of solitude and abstinence, just because of a penile feud that escalated into a ruined life. As if more proof was required, men are but mere hosts to the sentient lifeform known as the rumpled stiltskin. The brain does not have the strength to stop the rest of the body once it realizes an erection has been caused by the hand and not a vagina. Many scientists believe the event consists of the brain nagging "that's not a woman" and "you'll ruin your carpet". The penis then threatens to insert itself into another man's anal sphincter unless it is allowed to go through with its plans. To this, the brain has no objection. It must watch as thousands of innocent sperm are spilled into the cruel and cold world and will never know the pleasures of penetrating the most dangerous defences known to man and reaching the ever-elusive egg.

This moment of righteousness has been brought to you by Sleeman Brewery Corp.

Post by **Sanction** » Tue Apr 10, 2007 3:17 am

I see your icon and know the post is going to be shit.

Post by **seremtan** » Tue Apr 10, 2007 9:37 am

Post by **Lieutenant Dan** » Tue Apr 10, 2007 10:48 pm

ENNNNERNET.

Post by **S@M** » Wed Apr 11, 2007 1:24 am

Sanction deserves the last word

Sanction wrote:I see your icon and know the post is going to be shit.

Post by **shiv4** » Wed Apr 11, 2007 8:20 am

some philosophical drug must have upset mazda

Post by **LawL** » Wed Apr 11, 2007 8:49 am

rubbish

Post by **seremtan** » Wed Apr 11, 2007 10:57 am

shiv4 wrote:
some philosophical drug must have upset mazda

wrong font colour

shit4

Post by ek » Wed Apr 11, 2007 12:25 pm

posting in a spazda thread. true story.

Post by **Pete** » Wed Apr 11, 2007 9:06 pm

Your topic is just about penis and in my thread that Doombrain just closed… I meant to point out that, while looking for a Beseler 45V-XL Enlarger on Google, I received some weird hits as these…Penis Enhancement Pills, Buy Penis Pills
, , Make your Penis Bigger
RE:
http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=n ... L+Enlarger

Post by **MKJ** » Wed Apr 11, 2007 9:14 pm

fuck off pete

Post by **shiv4** » Thu Apr 12, 2007 8:18 am

seremtan wrote:
shiv4 wrote:
some philosophical drug must have upset mazda
wrong font colour shit4

jellus, semenham?

Post by **Doombrain** » Thu Apr 12, 2007 8:31 am

Pete wrote:Your topic is just about penis and in my thread that Doombrain just closed… I meant to point out that, while looking for a Beseler 45V-XL Enlarger on Google, I received some weird hits as these…Penis Enhancement Pills, Buy Penis Pills
, , Make your Penis Bigger
RE:
http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=n ... L+Enlarger

then why didn't you say that, you french cunt?

because of that, i'm going to give some of the french cocks at Paris some really pointless shity jobs for the next week.

Post by **Doombrain** » Thu Apr 12, 2007 8:35 am

and ffs, you type the word 'enlarger' in to google and you're surprised on the hits you get?? moron.

Post by **seremtan** » Thu Apr 12, 2007 9:52 am

Post by **LawL** » Thu Apr 12, 2007 10:53 am

Mazda being a faggot goes without saying.

Post by **Doombrain** » Thu Apr 12, 2007 10:54 am

theoneandonly wrote:I know it's shooting fish in a barrel and it's 3:50 am, but no one has pointed out the irony that since the void's existance, the only thread titled "the penis" was posted by Mazda?

are you asking people to think about the penis?

Post by **A1yssa** » Thu Apr 19, 2007 9:12 pm

Captain Mazda wrote:Penis: (n.) pl. penes - 1. long, smooth shaft and male reproductive organ; 2. causes Nightshade not to shit for a week.

Post by **Massive Quasars** » Thu Apr 19, 2007 10:23 pm

i like a woman with finer tastes

Post by **Nightshade** » Thu Apr 19, 2007 10:45 pm

lol, I just noticed that Spazda was obsessing over me in this fag0tfest of a thread.

FAIL

Post by **Captain** » Thu Apr 19, 2007 10:52 pm

Yet you obsess over me in shitty threads I don't even post in.

MINOXIDIL

Post by **Turing** » Fri Apr 20, 2007 11:12 am

This is the fucking worst piece of shit thread that I have ever seen. Mazda, you are a fucking synonym for failure at comedy. You seriously need to take everything that you are going to post as a new topic, set it aside in a notepad file, wait an hour, and then slit your fucking wrists because you are so horrifyingly unfunny.

Post by **GONNAFISTYA** » Fri Apr 20, 2007 11:36 am

Turing wrote:This is the fucking worst piece of shit thread that I have ever seen. Mazda, you are a fucking synonym for failure at comedy. You seriously need to take everything that you are going to post as a new topic, set it aside in a notepad file, wait an hour, and then slit your fucking wrists because you are so horrifyingly unfunny.

Just look at the veins in your neck popping out. :icon28:

Post by **Turing** » Fri Apr 20, 2007 11:46 am

You have to understand that I am a genius wordsmith who can bust out hilarity at three paragraphs per minute, that was barely even the beginning of the sort of shit that I unleash before I have even begun to let out some brand of greasy sweat.

Post by **MKJ** » Fri Apr 20, 2007 11:55 am

Turing wrote:You have to understand that I am a genius wordsmith who can bust out hilarity at three paragraphs per minute,

The penis

The penis

Re: The penis