The other thumb is holding onto the camera but it's also up.
8/10. They tried too hard with the humor, but otherwise totally awesome.
The last movie you saw
obsidian wrote:
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[color=#FFBFFF]A lot of people would say it's a bad idea, on your first day out of prison, to go right back to stalking the tranny hooker that knocked out five of your teeth. But that's how I roll..[/color]
[color=#FFBFFF]A lot of people would say it's a bad idea, on your first day out of prison, to go right back to stalking the tranny hooker that knocked out five of your teeth. But that's how I roll..[/color]
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HM-PuFFNSTuFF
- Posts: 14375
- Joined: Thu Mar 01, 2001 8:00 am
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[xeno]Julios
- Posts: 6216
- Joined: Fri Dec 10, 1999 8:00 am
Transformers: 5/10
Jesus fucking god. I am not being a film buff elitist here -- I like mindless action as much as the next guy -- but this was on a level with Aliesn Vs Predator. Interesting visuals (not mind-blowing, just cool), everything else as terrible as it could possibly be. I think I groaned after at least 33% of the lines. Just painful.
EDIT: And don't give me the "well people see it for the action" crap. I saw Shooter, and it was a terrible film too but at least the characters spoke like human beings. This was worse than saturday morning cartoon dialogue. Over the Hedge certainly had better screenwriting than this. Ren and Stimpy have better fucking dialogue than this. The Emperor's New Groove, just as one example, is proof that a movie intended for kids can still have interesting, listenable dialogue. This was just absolute shite. It's Michael Bay; he gets the budget he wants to make the movies he wants. Bad Boys 2 was no The Big Sleep, it sure wasnt the Maltese Falcon or Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, but the lines worked. The actors had a clue. This was completely missing from Transformers and it ruined what could have been a good summer blockbuster. Pirates 2 and 3? Bloated CGI-heavy motherfuckers, but completely watchable. This? Not at all. Turn off your hearing aid and close your eyes till the guy beside you pops wood at the next fight scene. And I didn't even find the fight scenes particularly impressive, beyond watching all the stuff that WASN'T cgi and imagining the work that went into making it all move and explode etc. to coincide perfectly with the SFX that didn't exist until far, far later in the production process.
Jesus fucking god. I am not being a film buff elitist here -- I like mindless action as much as the next guy -- but this was on a level with Aliesn Vs Predator. Interesting visuals (not mind-blowing, just cool), everything else as terrible as it could possibly be. I think I groaned after at least 33% of the lines. Just painful.
EDIT: And don't give me the "well people see it for the action" crap. I saw Shooter, and it was a terrible film too but at least the characters spoke like human beings. This was worse than saturday morning cartoon dialogue. Over the Hedge certainly had better screenwriting than this. Ren and Stimpy have better fucking dialogue than this. The Emperor's New Groove, just as one example, is proof that a movie intended for kids can still have interesting, listenable dialogue. This was just absolute shite. It's Michael Bay; he gets the budget he wants to make the movies he wants. Bad Boys 2 was no The Big Sleep, it sure wasnt the Maltese Falcon or Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, but the lines worked. The actors had a clue. This was completely missing from Transformers and it ruined what could have been a good summer blockbuster. Pirates 2 and 3? Bloated CGI-heavy motherfuckers, but completely watchable. This? Not at all. Turn off your hearing aid and close your eyes till the guy beside you pops wood at the next fight scene. And I didn't even find the fight scenes particularly impressive, beyond watching all the stuff that WASN'T cgi and imagining the work that went into making it all move and explode etc. to coincide perfectly with the SFX that didn't exist until far, far later in the production process.
Transformers: 6/10 Moments of sheer enjoyment punctuated by too long stretches of mindless jibber jabber. The script was craptastically bad...usually this will kill a movie outright for me, but the robot action outshone everything else.
The Battletech universe is STILL the great unmined setting for a summer blockbuster...tons of great characters and storylines just waiting for a non-retard to step up to the plate.
The Battletech universe is STILL the great unmined setting for a summer blockbuster...tons of great characters and storylines just waiting for a non-retard to step up to the plate.
The Good Shepherd - 7/10
It has the same vibe as Syriana, very understated and everything isn't all spelled out nice and clear like most Hollywood films. The narrative is more traditional though.
Rather slow, moody pacing. Not your traditional suspenseful spy thriller, but a bit more contemplative. I think you need to be in the right mood to appreciate this film. If you're not set up for the slow pacing you'd probably not be able to appreciate it. I liked it though.
It has the same vibe as Syriana, very understated and everything isn't all spelled out nice and clear like most Hollywood films. The narrative is more traditional though.
Rather slow, moody pacing. Not your traditional suspenseful spy thriller, but a bit more contemplative. I think you need to be in the right mood to appreciate this film. If you're not set up for the slow pacing you'd probably not be able to appreciate it. I liked it though.
Fat Girl (A Ma Soeur) - 9/10
A French film by Catherine Breillat, it's about the sibling rivalry between two sisters, one of them smokingly hot and the other fat & dumpy, and the family environment (and by extension, the society) which created them. Also an exploration of sexuality, especially sexual awakening (the sisters are 12 and 15, and the older [hot] one is seduced by a college student), and the power dynamics involved in sexual relationships. Absolutely breathtaking.
Smokin' Aces - 6/10
Good cast, relatively stylish filmmaking (if cliché in all its ADD-edited, hyper-stylized violent glory), but ridiculously plotted and ending with an incredibly destructive and incredibly childish act of revenge and spite which the film on the whole seems to validate and approve of. Almost every character seemed overly familiar (there was clearly not a lot of originality going into this), yet the better players managed to make something interesting out of their parts, and the relentless gunplay is interesting enough, but still somehow it dragged in parts and I certainly didn't care about any of the characters so there was never any sense of loss or triumph.
I think I saw another film recently but I can't remember what it was and it's really bugging me.
A French film by Catherine Breillat, it's about the sibling rivalry between two sisters, one of them smokingly hot and the other fat & dumpy, and the family environment (and by extension, the society) which created them. Also an exploration of sexuality, especially sexual awakening (the sisters are 12 and 15, and the older [hot] one is seduced by a college student), and the power dynamics involved in sexual relationships. Absolutely breathtaking.
Smokin' Aces - 6/10
Good cast, relatively stylish filmmaking (if cliché in all its ADD-edited, hyper-stylized violent glory), but ridiculously plotted and ending with an incredibly destructive and incredibly childish act of revenge and spite which the film on the whole seems to validate and approve of. Almost every character seemed overly familiar (there was clearly not a lot of originality going into this), yet the better players managed to make something interesting out of their parts, and the relentless gunplay is interesting enough, but still somehow it dragged in parts and I certainly didn't care about any of the characters so there was never any sense of loss or triumph.
I think I saw another film recently but I can't remember what it was and it's really bugging me.
Star Wars Episode III - 9/10
It's my favourite from the prequel trilogy but it could've (and should've) been so much bigger and better. More war sequences for example. Although Zark may assassinate me if I give it anything lower than 9
War of the Worlds - 8/10
The tripods were amazingly well done, from the way they look to those deep, resonating sounds they make. Just too bad the classic Hollywood touchy-feely ending made it a bit hard to swallow.
It's my favourite from the prequel trilogy but it could've (and should've) been so much bigger and better. More war sequences for example. Although Zark may assassinate me if I give it anything lower than 9
War of the Worlds - 8/10
The tripods were amazingly well done, from the way they look to those deep, resonating sounds they make. Just too bad the classic Hollywood touchy-feely ending made it a bit hard to swallow.
Yep its a rant.
Now I'm no real paid movie critic, nor do I wish to be someone like them fags you see on Television. But at least I know a proper film when I see one. You know the kind. A decent flick. A well done one. Something like the 10 Commandments or, Cool Hand Luke or, well, theres fucking hundreds of them, you pick one.
Now in my day I have viewed well over thousands. Both long and short, lasting HOURS and less than a moment. (The moment ones that you see in slow motion that hang in your brain till you pass away. You know the ones, the ones you wish you could put on film. The ones that actually happened to you.) Any film that is over 3 hours in length better have a reason. And theres TONS that don't.
But rather than critique all of the thousands I have seen and wished I could get that time back, I'm going to pick on one.
One film that Sucked!
The Hitcher (new version)
It SUCKED!
It sucked so much I knew it was going to suck before I plopped it in the DVD tray. Let me tell you, thats a lot of suckage.
Ok so I watched it. Who was that Neanderthal of a man that played the Hitcher this time? Well, he sucked. He was so unbelievable that even my cat sat here, smirking, at the suckage that he tried to portray. I mean this guy fuckin sucked.
Then there was the Girlfriend.
Ya ok she was hot, but she was STUPID, and she SUCKED! I wont even get into the pansy ass that was her boyfriend. But he sucked too.
I mean jesus crist on a fuckin shit pile of flies covered in clubbed baby seals. How much can one movie SUCK?
I'll tell you how much.
It SUCKED so much that even Hitler could have gotten an orgasm from his grave over the suckage. The power of the suckage of this film is just that strong.
Now the first version, while you knew it was going to suck, was a rather decent film. Almost believable, but this remake, well, it fuckin SUCKED!
Anyway, thats my view on the new Hitcher flick.
Dont bother.
It fuckin sucked.
I could be speaking out of my ass, but it's not likely.
Now I'm no real paid movie critic, nor do I wish to be someone like them fags you see on Television. But at least I know a proper film when I see one. You know the kind. A decent flick. A well done one. Something like the 10 Commandments or, Cool Hand Luke or, well, theres fucking hundreds of them, you pick one.
Now in my day I have viewed well over thousands. Both long and short, lasting HOURS and less than a moment. (The moment ones that you see in slow motion that hang in your brain till you pass away. You know the ones, the ones you wish you could put on film. The ones that actually happened to you.) Any film that is over 3 hours in length better have a reason. And theres TONS that don't.
But rather than critique all of the thousands I have seen and wished I could get that time back, I'm going to pick on one.
One film that Sucked!
The Hitcher (new version)
It SUCKED!
It sucked so much I knew it was going to suck before I plopped it in the DVD tray. Let me tell you, thats a lot of suckage.
Ok so I watched it. Who was that Neanderthal of a man that played the Hitcher this time? Well, he sucked. He was so unbelievable that even my cat sat here, smirking, at the suckage that he tried to portray. I mean this guy fuckin sucked.
Then there was the Girlfriend.
Ya ok she was hot, but she was STUPID, and she SUCKED! I wont even get into the pansy ass that was her boyfriend. But he sucked too.
I mean jesus crist on a fuckin shit pile of flies covered in clubbed baby seals. How much can one movie SUCK?
I'll tell you how much.
It SUCKED so much that even Hitler could have gotten an orgasm from his grave over the suckage. The power of the suckage of this film is just that strong.
Now the first version, while you knew it was going to suck, was a rather decent film. Almost believable, but this remake, well, it fuckin SUCKED!
Anyway, thats my view on the new Hitcher flick.
Dont bother.
It fuckin sucked.
I could be speaking out of my ass, but it's not likely.
Beowulf & Grendel: 8/10
Interesting take on the legend, nice to see it done without CGI bullshit, just "real life" as much as it could possibly be. Gritty and vicious but with a heart somewhere in all that bearded gristle. It's nice to see such a good cast without any "too-famous" faces in it: Gerard Butler (this movie totally inspired his casting in 300), Stellan Skarsgard, Sarah Polley, Tony Curran, and I think I'm forgetting someone important but oh well. And of course since it was all shot on location in Iceland or somesuch place, the landscapes are absolutely beautiful.
I am eagerly awaiting the next big-budget take on the legend: director Robert Zemeckis and writer Neil Gaiman's Beowulf, which is coming out in November, starring Anthony Hopkins, John Malkovich, Crispin Glover, Brendan Gleeson and Angelina Jolie, and using the next generation of the motion-capture technology that went into Zemeckis's "Polar Express" a couple years ago.
Interesting take on the legend, nice to see it done without CGI bullshit, just "real life" as much as it could possibly be. Gritty and vicious but with a heart somewhere in all that bearded gristle. It's nice to see such a good cast without any "too-famous" faces in it: Gerard Butler (this movie totally inspired his casting in 300), Stellan Skarsgard, Sarah Polley, Tony Curran, and I think I'm forgetting someone important but oh well. And of course since it was all shot on location in Iceland or somesuch place, the landscapes are absolutely beautiful.
I am eagerly awaiting the next big-budget take on the legend: director Robert Zemeckis and writer Neil Gaiman's Beowulf, which is coming out in November, starring Anthony Hopkins, John Malkovich, Crispin Glover, Brendan Gleeson and Angelina Jolie, and using the next generation of the motion-capture technology that went into Zemeckis's "Polar Express" a couple years ago.
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Nightshade
- Posts: 17020
- Joined: Fri Dec 01, 2000 8:00 am
So you are saing that it sucked? Am I still a bit unclear on this?ForM wrote:Yep its a rant.
Now I'm no real paid movie critic, nor do I wish to be someone like them fags you see on Television. But at least I know a proper film when I see one. You know the kind. A decent flick. A well done one. Something like the 10 Commandments or, Cool Hand Luke or, well, theres fucking hundreds of them, you pick one.
Now in my day I have viewed well over thousands. Both long and short, lasting HOURS and less than a moment. (The moment ones that you see in slow motion that hang in your brain till you pass away. You know the ones, the ones you wish you could put on film. The ones that actually happened to you.) Any film that is over 3 hours in length better have a reason. And theres TONS that don't.
But rather than critique all of the thousands I have seen and wished I could get that time back, I'm going to pick on one.
One film that Sucked!
The Hitcher (new version)
It SUCKED!
It sucked so much I knew it was going to suck before I plopped it in the DVD tray. Let me tell you, thats a lot of suckage.
Ok so I watched it. Who was that Neanderthal of a man that played the Hitcher this time? Well, he sucked. He was so unbelievable that even my cat sat here, smirking, at the suckage that he tried to portray. I mean this guy fuckin sucked.
Then there was the Girlfriend.
Ya ok she was hot, but she was STUPID, and she SUCKED! I wont even get into the pansy ass that was her boyfriend. But he sucked too.
I mean jesus crist on a fuckin shit pile of flies covered in clubbed baby seals. How much can one movie SUCK?
I'll tell you how much.
It SUCKED so much that even Hitler could have gotten an orgasm from his grave over the suckage. The power of the suckage of this film is just that strong.
Now the first version, while you knew it was going to suck, was a rather decent film. Almost believable, but this remake, well, it fuckin SUCKED!
Anyway, thats my view on the new Hitcher flick.
Dont bother.
It fuckin sucked.
I could be speaking out of my ass, but it's not likely.
Uh, well....good luck with that. :shrug:
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