A Modern Britain (Cocktails)

[4days]

was nattering to someone at work about old telly today, specifically the fry and laurie show. in the last series, they always finished the show with stephen fry explaining a new cocktail recipe and then mixing it while hugh laurie played the piano. couldn't find a video of the very last one they ever did, just a bit of the script.

Stephen:
The cocktail you have chosen is 'Modern Britain'. A Modern Britain is like the classical Old Fashioned, but with a new twist.

For a Modern Britain, you'll need finely made English hand-blown crystal glasses, the very best Islay malt whiskey, bred and lovingly blended by craftsmen who care. You'll need freshly squeezed apple juice from pleasant Somerset orchards, a quarter gill of London gin, a pint of rich Jersey cream, a half quart of soft, still Welsh mountain water, and to garnish, a shamrock, a daffoldil, a thistle and a rose.

To complete the Modern Britain we add to this kindly, noble, honourable and civilised mixture a centilitre of flat cola-style syrup, a hectare of low-cal brand sweetener, a pot of non-dairy whitener, a leisure-sachet of instant heritage, a two-parent family size pack of diluted good values; free-market vegetables, a greedy helping of self-governing trusts and a plastic ice-cube for cosmetic purposes only.

The product should be half-baked at an immoderate temperature of the lowest common denominator in an atmosphere of greasy cant and corrupt sleaze, until richly dishonoured and seared with shame. Your Modern Britain will ideally have lost all colour, flavour and fizz by now and should then be divided against itself and left in shoddy disrepair for a number of years until it rots before being sold off to the highest bidder. An ideal self-serving suggestion would be to accompany the whole botched cocktail with a raft of unappetising sound-bites and a package of feeble initiatives stuffed with tasteless media slime.

But perhaps, somewhere, you might be inspired to add one small, tender, caring cherry of hope. I wonder. While you decide, I will entreat for the very finalest of last, last times, this entreaty of m'colleague, Britain's own Melody Man as I say, "Please, oh please, for all our sakes, please Mr Music, will you play?"

Hugh plays. Stephen mixes the cocktail.

[HM-PuFFNSTuFF]

hahaha nice

[Ryoki]

heheh