ITT: your lulziest junk mail

[seremtan]

for example:

Dear Sir(s) and Madam(s) :

This American funded genocide in New Delhi India is the McDonalds genocide, where the McDonalds waiter is the front line of the trenches in the war.

And there is African cooperation in this genocide. Thus the Africans are willing targetting mechanists in this problem. They are targetting my family members. On a world wide basis.

DEATH BY SLOW TORTURE. This barbaric assault pattern is the

Key to death in India. It is being espoused by women and men in the society against people like me. They are evaluating my threshold of torture, and then they are instigating torture against me.

On the one hand you have the low class criminal man. Then on the other you have the criminalized Indian woman. Between the two you have shit.

HUMAN RIGHTS PETITION: GIRL INTERFERENCE

C’est un situation tres dangereux avec des personnes tres dangereux, qui essaye de me tuer.

USING WOMEN FOR FINANCIAL EXTORTION WHICH

SWINGS AROUND TO FINANCING MEN, POLITICIANS AND ALL OTHER KINDS OF PEOPLE. THE INDIAN WOMAN HATES THE WHITE WOMAN.

LOCATION : NEW DELHI, INDIA

Ref : MASSIVE HUMAN RIGHTS ABUSE IN DELHI, INDIA

BY LOWER CLASS INDIAN WAITERS, ON ROADS

To raise the cost of living. Thus instead of one person, you need to

Involved tarot card readers, astrologists, police officers, army people,

Politicians just to have a friendly dinner

LOCAI is at work – Lower Class Army of India

BY MIDDLE CLASS AND UPPER CLASS MEN IN

MARKETS AND DISCOS AND RESTAURANTS

RELATIONSHIP ASSAULT PATTERN

GENOCIDE

PROBLEM WITH THE INDIAN ARMY OFFICERS

State of the art extortion

INDIANS ARE SEXUAL PERVERTS

Re : IESA IMPROVISED EXPLOSIVE SOUND ASSAULTS

Danger on roads – Massive Agression- Human Rights abuses Torture

Sexual Assault pattern

Excessive HONKING on ROADS

Complaint regarding mostly male members of society

USING DUAL USE TECHNOLOGIES WEAPONISING

CARS, TRUCKS, BUSES, MOTORCYCLES

Use clapping of hands in bars, restaurants and malls to break a

Sexual ORGAN, AND relationship. Use coordinated mass targeting so NO

Specific ONE has to take the blame. And no one to catch. A crime

Without a specific criminal

Constant use of the word bastard in Hindi “banchot”

People tieing their hands behind their backs, we have “jailed”

you

Also in your home, they refuse to clean properly. They also refuse

To repair your bathrooms. They try to make your house stink. They

Have a work turnover ratio of around 70-80%

Continuous assault, today one person, tomorrow someone

else. Etc.

People who support you want to charge 10 times the normal

rate. Thus institutionalized extortion is at work.

Sub: Attempt to restrict movement, trigger illness and cause relationship

problems with any girl

Self induced bodily harm and to indirectly cause bodily harm through

collective activities by EXCESSIVE HONKING

ALSO TO DESTROY ANYONE WHO IS CONSIDERED

AGAINST THE MASS TRANSFER OF JOBS FROM

THE WEST TO INDIA

Dear Sir :

Whenever I with a girl, there are all kinds of problems. Men start clapping their hands, making my erection go down. The normal Indian male becomes a homicidal maniac. This is destroying my ability to date.

Also there are other problems. The right girl is not turning up in my life. Because of a widespread Hindu conspiracy against me, which starts in the Delhi Golf Club, Delhi Gymkhanna Club and spreads to the shopping malls, hotels like Ashoka Hotel and many others. The people are the problem. It is a Dirty War against the United Nations and my human rights. There is a criminal assault pattern at work. Aroused by a criminal underworld of drivers, students male, men in the society etc. In and around New Delhi, Gurgaon and Noida. There are many UP people involved and many others.

Under the codes of conduct any system there are morals, norms and then laws. Each part of these three levels are meant to complement each other. Thus the question arises at what point is something morally wrong. And is this a norm of the people involved. Or is it a one off event. If it is the norm of a large group of people, then it has a collective mindset. A common front analogous to those described in former United States Chief Justice Robert Jackson’s petitions into complex violations. Against the aggressions of historical situations in the 1930s and 1940s. Thus it is a collective norm, then it falls under some broad moral covenants their breaching.

Then the point is what is the level of bodily harm. In order for the protagonists to protect themselves, the aggression against me is being done in a manner that inflicts relatively mild bodily harm, however with the added fact that it is creating severe discomfort. And invoking a fear mindset that makes a person like me fearful of venturing out into society. Thus the illegality is large, but the level of infliction is mild.

The problem with this immoral activity is that whenever I am fit and fine, then people are upset with me. And when I am unwell, suddenly both men and women are tolerant.

The next problem is that there are two aspects to the problem. One is who is talking up or implying the problem through body language. And then who are carrying out the dirty tricks to make it happen.

I am sorry for the lengthy preamble but there must be some judicial foundation in order for you the reader to understand the nature of the problem :

As for why all this is being done. You can say that some element of aggression against anyone from abroad. Who is not considered one of “us.” This falls under John F. Kennedy School’s Robert Reich in his famous book “Who are We, and Who are Them.” Thus if people interpret someone with a foreign passport as being one of “them” then he make take an aggressive stance which may lead to some illegal assault pattern. If the person feels assured that he is one of “many” carrying out the assault, in a faceless kind of way, then he becomes secure that he can “Get Away With It.”

The Specific Problem

There are people on the street who actually look upset when I move out of my house. They glare at me. They keep turning their heads back and looking at me. Sometimes they bang their fists together. Others are grabbing their erogenous zones , their “balls” in front of me. Thus this assault has a kind of sexual component to it.



How extensive is this problem. I would say very much so. In fact it seems to involve a large body of people, at street corners. When I exit my gate area onto the main road the assault picks up steam. People start honking at me wildly. Even a trucker or bus driver, or two wheeler rider who has right of way will still make it a point to honk at me. One would think that each and every person is a business maharaja on the way to some huge business deal. Instead these are people who are trying to shorten their travel time by 15%. In doing so they are ready to create massive discomfort for anyone along the way.

The Indian army officers are heavily into this problem. They are dangerous, duplicitious and criminalized individuals, who are operating in a genocide related fashion. They are promoting genocide against me.

This Massive problem of AGGRESSIVE HONKING is a problematic and dangerous one at the most.

In the shopping malls like Select Citywalk Mall of Delhi, the cleaners and security guards are honing in on the erections. And then in discos like Orange in Ashoka Hotel. And in other places like the Delhi Golf Club annexe. There is sexual terrorism.

From the McDonalds to the Cafe coffee days to the malis and security guards

in Farms areas, there is rampant erectile and penis assault as well

as the derivative effect, genocide.

MY REQUEST TO YOU :

PLEASE CUT OFF INVESTMENT S AND FOOD SHIPMENTS TO INDIA IMMEDIATELY.

There are also problems from Indians based in London, United Kingdom.

They are also engaging in massive human rights abuse.

PLEASE HALT ALL AIR TRAVEL TO INDIA.

START AN INTERNATIONAL EMBARGO OF ALL INDIAN TRADE.

Most companies and CEOs in India are involved in this problem. And the low class drivers, plumbers and cleaners who people interact with every hour. They are most heavily involved in this human assassination model.

Regards,

i get some version of this about once a week in my work email, each version more elaborate and with more pictorial 'proof' of the genocide than the last. the original comes in various different fonts, of various different sizes etc but i can't be arsed to make it look the same

[Fender]

tl;dr

[seremtan]

tl;dr:

EXCESSIVE HONKING rampant erectile and penis assault genocide

[Underpants?]

if you're lulzieing at junk mail you need to hold a sign since there's a chance you might be a red neck with a belt buckle RAFFLE STILTSKINZZZ!

[MKJ]

srsly, some spam headers are pretty creative. (i dont open them).

e.g.
"Be the master of the Universe with your Huge Broadswoard"

or even better
subject: "Do you know the Kangaroo Pounder?"
body: "It's right between your legs".

no links or ads or anything. t'was like a public service announcement

[Doombrain]

From: amsvie@aol.fr
Subject: Re: SELL GOLD
Date: 8 June 2009 00:13:43 BST
To: me

be you really interested by my proposal?
However yes ask at least the price of the kilo.
and come to see the goods in order to make the sale contract.



-----Original Message-----
From: me
To: amsvie@aol.fr <amsvie@aol.fr>
Sent: Sun, 7 Jun 2009 5:56 pm
Subject: Re: SELL GOLD

I'll take it all

Sent from my iPhone

On 7 Jun 2009, at 17:18, amsvie@aol.fr wrote:

Good Afternoon,

I am Mr. ABOUBAKAR TRAORE,
I come towards you, you propose gold to be sold.
I want to know if you are interested to make deal with us.
I can provide you in this moment 460 kilograms of gold.
and according to your needs to deliver to you monthly between 30 and 40 kilorgrammes.

* Origin: Mali and GHANA (West Africa)
* Quality: 22 carat
* Nature: gold dust and ingot
* Rate of purity: 93%
* Composition impurity: 7% (mainly iron oxide)

remainder with your dispostion for all information, I address my greetings to you.

NB: if you could move on Bamako which is the capital of Mali in West Africa, there or are the goods that will enable you to better appreciate the product. You can also come with your technicians for the various checks which will have to attest authenticity of the product

procedure that we advise you considering the quantity.
we will be able to provide you all the documents which you would need before making displacement for Bamako in Mali or ACCRA in GHANA( GOLD COAST).

Mr TRAORE
Email: amsvie@aol.fr


Wanna slim down for summer? Go to America Takes it Off to learn how.

Wanna slim down for summer? Go to America Takes it Off to learn how.

[Peenyuh]

should I get in on this?

Dear Friend,

I am Lawrence Embaca the Director in charge of Auditing section Banque commercial du Burkina (B.C.B)Ouagadougou Burkina-Faso in West Africa. Forgive my indignation if this message comes to you as a surprise. AS IT MAY INTEREST YOU TO KNOW, I GOT YOUR IMPRESSIVE INFORMATION THROUGH THE INTERNET SEARCH HERE IN OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA-FASO.

I have decided to contact you on a project that will be very beneficial to both of us. During our auditing in this Bank, I came across some amount of money belonging to a deceased foreigner Mr. George Brumley who died with all his family members in a plane crash. The fund has been dormant in his account with this Bank without any claim of the fund in our custody from his relation before my discovery to this development.

The said amount is U.S $10.500.000.00 (TEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS). I want you to know that I never master minded the death of the deceased fellow. Their death was occurred Naturally.

All the whole arrangement to put claim over this fund as the Bonafide next of kin to the deceased has been put in place and directives will be relayed to you as soon as you indicate your interest and willingness to assist me and also benefit your self to this great business opportunity. In this country as a civil servant (A Banker), we are not allowed to operate a foreign account. This is the actual reason why it will require a second party or fellow who will forward claims as the next of kin to the Bank and also present a foreign account where he will need the money to be re-transferred into on his request.

Our Banking law stipulates that if such money remained unclaimed after five and half years, the money will be transferred into the Bank treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in this business is occasioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner and a Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin. I don?t want this money to go into the Bank treasury as unclaimed Bill.

Be assured this transaction is 100% risk free. On conclusion of this Project, you will have 30% of the above mentioned sum if you agree to handle this business with me and 10% will be set aside for any expenses that arises on the process before the fund get into your bank account such as telephone calls bills (etc).

Please you have been advised to keep "TOP SECRET" as I am still in service and intend to retire from service after I conclude this deal with you. i will fly down to your country for subsequent sharing of the fund according to percentages indicated and further investment will be discussed.

On your acceptance to be my partner, please contact me through my email address for a brief discussion before we proceed. Please keep this proposal secret, even if you don't want to assist me. I look forward to receive your urgent reply.



yours faithfully,

Lawrence embaca

[seremtan]

meh, that's just some standard nigerian scam mail. is that the lulziest you can do?

[Captain]

On behalf of the Board of Trustees and Executors of the estate of Late
Sir Walter Gilbert, I have been mandated to inform you that the late
Sir Walter Gilbert instructed in his last will & testament that £12,000,000
(Twelve million pounds sterling) should be inherited by an Anonymous
person who was to be selected via an electronic raffle draw on One million email
addresses extracted from the internet.This is his way of giving back to one lucky
person, unknown to him a taste of what life had so graciously lavished on
him in the 93 very eventful years he spent in this world.
The raffle draw was conducted & your email address emerged as the lucky one
you are therefore the beneficiary of the £12,000,000 (Twelve million pounds sterling)
You are to contact the 'Will' executor via email;wellridge@sify.com
for details and conditions under which you can access your inheritance.

Regards,
Wellington Smith Esq.
WELLINGTON,WOODRIDGE & CO.
Phone:+44 703-599-8999.
+44 703-599-9029.
Fax:+44 709-289-8888.

[Ryoki]

Mazda for fuck sake.

[Ryoki]

Pesky double post.

[seremtan]

i get a lot of this kind of shit:

Strategic thinking: The ability to plan long-term while maximising performance in the short term is a must for all managers.

It’s good to plan: Nothing helps move things along better than a good plan.

in other news

Water: just because it's wet doesn't mean other things aren't also wet

Shitting in the woods: bears have mastered this - so can you!

the link in the email led to this masterclass of wisdom on the subject of strategic thinking:

1. Examine the process. There are three distinct phases to developing a new strategy: analysis, planning and implementation. It is vital to devote time and effort to the first two stages, but also to maintain momentum throughout implementation to ensure ultimate success.

2. Think short and long-term. The ability to differentiate between short and long-term thinking and strike a balance between the two is an integral part of strategy. Understand the importance of both in strategic planning and you will find it easier to achieve the right combination.

3. Prepare for strategic success. An effective strategic plan has accurate information, strong ideas, and committed people at it core. Involve the right people from the outset, then encourage them to research facts, and brainstorm for ideas to achieve the best possible plan.

4. Look to the future. Continuous strategic thinking in a changing world is vital if you and your business are to maintain a winning position. Anticipate change rather than simply react to it, and adapt your strategy as necessary to keep moving ahead.

5. Understand your customers. The driving force behind any plan is what the customer wants from you as a supplier. Analyse what your customers buy from you and what their ideal is, then prioritise their needs to ensure that you design your strategy to serve them better.

6. Analyse your competitors. Understanding your customer and meeting their expectations will only result in success if your performance exceeds that of the competition. Analyse your competitors’ capabilities to identify potential opportunities and threats.

7. Determine your competitive advantage. Your distinctive capabilities, or whatever your organisation does that sets it apart, form the backbone of your strategy. Carefully review your analysis in order to create a statement that clearly sums up your enduring competitive advantages.

8. Integrate your strategy. When formulating your plan, make sure that it will integrate well into the organisation as a whole. Its aims must be consistent with the plans of other departments to avoid internal conflict and confusion in the market place.

9. Communicate clearly. For your strategy to succeed, it is vital that everyone who needs to know about it is informed. Communicate your plan to every stakeholder so that they understand what the strategy will do for them, and you will gain their commitment to it.

10. Monitor performance. To keep the plan on track, closely monitor progress in both operational plans and change projects. Organise team reports and signal shortfalls or problems to be corrected, and look at progress across the organisation where it impacts on your plans.

people actually pay a great deal of money to sit in a lecture theatre/breakout room and listen to this guff all day

[MKJ]

looks like a13n got hold of your email

[phantasmagoria]

This sarah woman keeps giving out my email address instead of her own, so now and then I get mail intended for her, so I like to reply:

Hi! Sarah,
How was your weekend? Good i hope.Is that you back to work now. Never mind.
I am still recovering from saturday night. It was quite good fun, really taking 13 hot girls into town( well ten and a few rough sorts lol) . W eput some good tunes on the cd and gave it everything. Pinball wizard at full blast through edinburgh was a highlight. Still knackered though. I didn't get home till 5 in the morning and was up again at 8:30. Long night. I've another late one tonught too as i'm taking my inlaws to the airport in Galsgow and won't be home till 4. At least i'm off tommorow so i can stay in bed and get up fo golfing in the afternoon.

What were you up to? How was your girl's night out? Did it stay exclusively female .

I'm sure west malling is a jumping place at the weekend.lol.
Enjoy your week. Hope to catch up soon.
lots of love
Bryanxx

>
>I fucked a black man
>
>2009/8/17 :
>- Show quoted text -
>
>

[MKJ]

[Fender]

now THAT'S "lulzy"

[Ryoki]

Ahaha

[Fender]

many lulz http://www.dontevenreply.com/

[phantasmagoria]

The parrot also has an issue with defecating in its cage. It will wait until I let it out, and then immediately fly over to the kitchen and shit on my food. If I don't let him out, he starts yelling "I have to shit!" until I let him out. It can go on for hours

haha

[seremtan]

i don't know which is funnier, this: "I fucked a black man" or this "I'm sure west malling is a jumping place at the weekend"

[Don Carlos]

This sarah woman keeps giving out my email address instead of her own, so now and then I get mail intended for her, so I like to reply:

Hi! Sarah,
How was your weekend? Good i hope.Is that you back to work now. Never mind.
I am still recovering from saturday night. It was quite good fun, really taking 13 hot girls into town( well ten and a few rough sorts lol) . W eput some good tunes on the cd and gave it everything. Pinball wizard at full blast through edinburgh was a highlight. Still knackered though. I didn't get home till 5 in the morning and was up again at 8:30. Long night. I've another late one tonught too as i'm taking my inlaws to the airport in Galsgow and won't be home till 4. At least i'm off tommorow so i can stay in bed and get up fo golfing in the afternoon.

What were you up to? How was your girl's night out? Did it stay exclusively female .

I'm sure west malling is a jumping place at the weekend.lol.
Enjoy your week. Hope to catch up soon.
lots of love
Bryanxx

>
>I fucked a black man
>
>2009/8/17:
>- Show quoted text -
>
>