Have any of your philosophical paradigms recently died a horrid, cold death, in front of your tired eyes at the midnight hour?
Did you shed a tear as the last breath of an idyllic existence fluttered coldly into space?
Philosophies are paramount to sanity, in my mind. Recently broken was my devout philosophy of always being truthful to people of importance in my life.
I don't want to put another face on this thing, truth is beauty, its' soul is purer than the sublimating mountain snow, and turning your back on it is nothing short of criminal.
I've recently found out that someone very close to me is not being faithful to their signif. other. knowing this would kill the other, literally. I can't be the bearer of that, no matter how I try, and at the same time, I can't avoid situations with either of them.
Anyone else here recently lost a cornerstone philosophy?
Policy of Truth
I was caught in the midst of a situation similar to that in some respects several years ago. Actually I've been in 2. In the first, I was the one both sides would call as things were going bad to rail on the other...That was kind of a pain in the ass for several reasons - but I didn't find myself in the quandry you describe in that one.
The one most relevant here happened about 3 years ago. Lifelong best friend had become an alcoholic, he was spiraling out of control in many ways - finances, etc...his life was a house of cards, and he readily admitted that. I tried to help him with his problems, even broke my pinky finger on a guy's head in a parking lot to save his ass after he made some horribly inappropriate drunken comment to said fellow's girlfriend or wife or whoever the shrieking lady was in the parking lot yelling "kick his fucking ass" as good friend was getting his face smashed in, and probably deservedly so. So, long story short, we were close and I would pretty much go to bat for him in any situation. But things got really bad when he started seeing a stripper on the side...and not a high paid one that does it for the money and nothing else...a rank whore who I met twice and felt like I should have bathed in antibiotics just for having been in her presence. I became real concerned for his girlfriend, a real nice girl who was absolutely oblivious to the stripper and trying to be the angel who would save him from his other demons. I felt really caught in the middle, because the way my friend was going he was going to end up giving her any one of the several STD's the whore was toting around and the microbiologist in me didn't really want to see that happen to the poor girl. Had no idea how to broach the subject without tipping her off to things though...
Pants, how would you have handled that one?
The one most relevant here happened about 3 years ago. Lifelong best friend had become an alcoholic, he was spiraling out of control in many ways - finances, etc...his life was a house of cards, and he readily admitted that. I tried to help him with his problems, even broke my pinky finger on a guy's head in a parking lot to save his ass after he made some horribly inappropriate drunken comment to said fellow's girlfriend or wife or whoever the shrieking lady was in the parking lot yelling "kick his fucking ass" as good friend was getting his face smashed in, and probably deservedly so. So, long story short, we were close and I would pretty much go to bat for him in any situation. But things got really bad when he started seeing a stripper on the side...and not a high paid one that does it for the money and nothing else...a rank whore who I met twice and felt like I should have bathed in antibiotics just for having been in her presence. I became real concerned for his girlfriend, a real nice girl who was absolutely oblivious to the stripper and trying to be the angel who would save him from his other demons. I felt really caught in the middle, because the way my friend was going he was going to end up giving her any one of the several STD's the whore was toting around and the microbiologist in me didn't really want to see that happen to the poor girl. Had no idea how to broach the subject without tipping her off to things though...
Pants, how would you have handled that one?
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HM-PuFFNSTuFF
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Interesting thread and timely for me because it was pretty much today that I changed my position on gun control in the USA.
It's in their constitution so I should respect the right to bear ams. I'm not sure where one would draw the limit though. (i.e. do they have a right to own rocket launchers etc.
It's in their constitution so I should respect the right to bear ams. I'm not sure where one would draw the limit though. (i.e. do they have a right to own rocket launchers etc.
I made a political cartoon about that very thing in the 5th grade for my social studies unit.HM-PuFFNSTuFF wrote:Interesting thread and timely for me because it was pretty much today that I changed my position on gun control in the USA.
It's in their constitution so I should respect the right to bear ams. I'm not sure where one would draw the limit though. (i.e. do they have a right to own rocket launchers etc.
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HM-PuFFNSTuFF
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It didn't end very well for me. I'm going to wait to see how underpants thinks he would have dealt with it under his policy of truth (one similar to what I had at the time) before I give the whole story. Maybe hypothetically dealing with my scenario will give him the clarity he needs to figure out how to handle the real-life situation.
Or something like that. I need to stop watching Dr.Phil.
Or something like that. I need to stop watching Dr.Phil.
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Nightshade
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Of course it is, the problem is placing the idiot filter on the acquisition process.HM-PuFFNSTuFF wrote:I will say that rationally i still think it's best to reduce the amount of guns around as much as possible.
As far as having my foundations shaken, not for a while now, say thankya big-big.
My political philosophy has been altered radically over the last few years, but I think that happens to everyone. The only life-changing scheisse I've encountered recently has been flashes of "WELL I GRADUATED SO NOW I GUESS IT'S JUST WORK LIKE A FUCKING DRUDGE UNTIL THEY THROW ME IN THE GROUND."
There's deeper, more turbulent stuff stirring beneath my placid countenance, but that's not for the likes of any of you pukes.
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Underpants?
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happy cinco (sounds like sinko probably?) de mayo, you filthy british techno-whore!!!! AYAYAYAYYAAYYAAYYAYYAYAyFoo wrote:Don't lose it, modify it. The core of your philosophy is still sound but you've found issues with it when put into practice. This is to be expected and shouldn't be reason to discard the philosophy altogether.
BTW lol drunk...
just kidding, but no, really, yes.
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Underpants?
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wowzers. Nothing even close to that, in fact, I'm not even sure if there's full-on intercourse involved. You're a friend hard core to the motherfuckin' bone Neff.tnf wrote:I was caught in the midst of a situation similar to that in some respects several years ago. Actually I've been in 2. In the first, I was the one both sides would call as things were going bad to rail on the other...That was kind of a pain in the ass for several reasons - but I didn't find myself in the quandry you describe in that one.
The one most relevant here happened about 3 years ago. Lifelong best friend had become an alcoholic, he was spiraling out of control in many ways - finances, etc...his life was a house of cards, and he readily admitted that. I tried to help him with his problems, even broke my pinky finger on a guy's head in a parking lot to save his ass after he made some horribly inappropriate drunken comment to said fellow's girlfriend or wife or whoever the shrieking lady was in the parking lot yelling "kick his fucking ass" as good friend was getting his face smashed in, and probably deservedly so. So, long story short, we were close and I would pretty much go to bat for him in any situation. But things got really bad when he started seeing a stripper on the side...and not a high paid one that does it for the money and nothing else...a rank whore who I met twice and felt like I should have bathed in antibiotics just for having been in her presence. I became real concerned for his girlfriend, a real nice girl who was absolutely oblivious to the stripper and trying to be the angel who would save him from his other demons. I felt really caught in the middle, because the way my friend was going he was going to end up giving her any one of the several STD's the whore was toting around and the microbiologist in me didn't really want to see that happen to the poor girl. Had no idea how to broach the subject without tipping her off to things though...
Pants, how would you have handled that one?
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Massive Quasars
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Underpants?
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I usually form tight bonds with friends, but hold them at arm's length for whatever reason, so is my ephemeral nature. The bar fight thing would have had me finding another ride earlier in the night, or if I was dessie, dropping that fool off long before that one too many kicked in.tnf wrote:It didn't end very well for me. I'm going to wait to see how underpants thinks he would have dealt with it under his policy of truth (one similar to what I had at the time) before I give the whole story. Maybe hypothetically dealing with my scenario will give him the clarity he needs to figure out how to handle the real-life situation.
Or something like that. I need to stop watching Dr.Phil.
so i've always kind of chickened out, basking in the shade of "good time" friend. How I got here, I really don't know--it just sort of happened.
In my case, one doesn't deserve what they've been dealt. But the other has the indomitable spirit and heart of a legendary character, stitching the two together permanently--I can't consider one without the other
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Underpants?
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I kind of did--it's not going anywhere but thanks. Maybe I'll continue the pressureMassive Quasars wrote:Can you confront the unfaithful party and pressure that person to open up to the significant other? Is this side affair merely a distraction, or is it something more?
The s.o. might need a strong support system of friends and family if this news is as devastating as you claim it could be.
Oh well then its simple...if there's no intercourse there's no cheating.
In any case, here's how my situation ended (and this is pretty much the only real life soap opera I've been involved in thank god...my strategy now is to make sure I always know as little as humanly possible about my friends lives - and don't bother reading ahead unless you want to know how or how not to handle a situation like the one I was in...):
I made the mistake of letting my fiance (wife now) know about the stripper situation and my concern about the STD angle. Normally she is pretty good about vaulting stuff, but regarding this she was adamant - either I told his girlfriend checked out or she would, because she wasn't going to stand by and let the poor girl get a potentially life altering condition because of my awkward role in the situation. At that point I pretty much knew I was damned either way, because when everything got out in the open, it was going to be obvious that I was the 'leak.' So the wife and I catch her at the end of her shift at work, and start up the typical small talk...and I'm trying to figure out how to work the whole STD thing into the conversation while still not betraying the fact that there was cheating involved when my wife just drops the hammer and asks how long its been since she's been checked out for everything. Obviously, she's a bit surprised by the question and follows with the obvious "why?" Follow that with a horribly awkward silence that felt like eons as she starts staring at me (and all I can do is look at the floor) and then at my wife and starting to put 2 and 2 together in her rather precocious mind...and then the floodgates open because she says 'I KNEW IT!' Apparently there had been a couple odd things happening here and there that suddenly made sense in light of my wife's question. My wife did most of the talking from that point on, with me doing the deer in the headlights nod when asked for confirmation (I cannot tell a lie). My only comment was this simple request - that she please, please, if she gets checked out and things are clear, or not, act like she found out about it in some other manner - not from me (I hate awkward situations). It was here that I realized that a woman scorned is really something that hell hath no fury like...she swore up and down that she would NEVER do something to damage a 24+ year friendship yadda yadda yadda. Then went on about how she pretty much already knew something was up before, and that we just confirmed her suspicions (obviously trying to save a bit of face I think...so she didn't look the fool).
I'm stopping here for now because this is already too long. The resolution of the whole thing was a bit odd and hit me from out of the blue when I thought everything was blown over and I was in the clear. I'll write more later if anyone wants the end.
In any case, here's how my situation ended (and this is pretty much the only real life soap opera I've been involved in thank god...my strategy now is to make sure I always know as little as humanly possible about my friends lives - and don't bother reading ahead unless you want to know how or how not to handle a situation like the one I was in...):
I made the mistake of letting my fiance (wife now) know about the stripper situation and my concern about the STD angle. Normally she is pretty good about vaulting stuff, but regarding this she was adamant - either I told his girlfriend checked out or she would, because she wasn't going to stand by and let the poor girl get a potentially life altering condition because of my awkward role in the situation. At that point I pretty much knew I was damned either way, because when everything got out in the open, it was going to be obvious that I was the 'leak.' So the wife and I catch her at the end of her shift at work, and start up the typical small talk...and I'm trying to figure out how to work the whole STD thing into the conversation while still not betraying the fact that there was cheating involved when my wife just drops the hammer and asks how long its been since she's been checked out for everything. Obviously, she's a bit surprised by the question and follows with the obvious "why?" Follow that with a horribly awkward silence that felt like eons as she starts staring at me (and all I can do is look at the floor) and then at my wife and starting to put 2 and 2 together in her rather precocious mind...and then the floodgates open because she says 'I KNEW IT!' Apparently there had been a couple odd things happening here and there that suddenly made sense in light of my wife's question. My wife did most of the talking from that point on, with me doing the deer in the headlights nod when asked for confirmation (I cannot tell a lie). My only comment was this simple request - that she please, please, if she gets checked out and things are clear, or not, act like she found out about it in some other manner - not from me (I hate awkward situations). It was here that I realized that a woman scorned is really something that hell hath no fury like...she swore up and down that she would NEVER do something to damage a 24+ year friendship yadda yadda yadda. Then went on about how she pretty much already knew something was up before, and that we just confirmed her suspicions (obviously trying to save a bit of face I think...so she didn't look the fool).
I'm stopping here for now because this is already too long. The resolution of the whole thing was a bit odd and hit me from out of the blue when I thought everything was blown over and I was in the clear. I'll write more later if anyone wants the end.
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Underpants?
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A friend of mine recently saw someone get shot in the face in a store, and the shooter run away. I was talking with a friend of mine who's been living in the US for 10-12 years about that situation, and he asked "How do people get guns in the US anyway?" I look at him cockeyed "You buy them."
"Well yeah but where do they get them from?"
"A store that sells guns."
"What? But they're illegal!"
"No... they really aren't."
"What, are you serious?
"Yes, 2nd amendment to the constitution says we can have them."
"That's stupid."
"Well yeah but where do they get them from?"
"A store that sells guns."
"What? But they're illegal!"
"No... they really aren't."
"What, are you serious?
"Yes, 2nd amendment to the constitution says we can have them."
"That's stupid."
So, tnf, you've been friends with this woman for 24+ years and hesitated at suggesting she get checked for STDs? While I appreciate you wanting to preserve both friendships, I believe had I been in a similar situation I wouldn't hesitate as long as you did. I probably would have pulled the 'ol "If you don't tell her, I will," routine.
Don't get me wrong, I'd rather be ignorant to the whole situation too, but knowing what you knew, didn't you feel obligated to do something? It's an all-around shitty position to be in, no matter how you look at it.
So, were you able to preserve both friendships? Now you've got me all concerned.
Don't get me wrong, I'd rather be ignorant to the whole situation too, but knowing what you knew, didn't you feel obligated to do something? It's an all-around shitty position to be in, no matter how you look at it.
So, were you able to preserve both friendships? Now you've got me all concerned.
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Nightshade
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Wow, 'pants and tnf are a couple of selfish weenies. Sorry guys, in situations like that it's not about how uncomfortable it makes you, it's about doing the right thing.
tnf, not for nothin', but in your situation I would have confronted the dude first and told him to smarten the fuck up and get checked out or you'd drop a dime.
tnf, not for nothin', but in your situation I would have confronted the dude first and told him to smarten the fuck up and get checked out or you'd drop a dime.