Efficient urination for male humans.

Post by **[xeno]Julios** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 2:21 am

I posted this on monkeyfilter ( http://monkeyfilter.com/link.php/8144 )

*efficient urination for males:

First of all, learn to urinate while in a seated position. It is more relaxing, less spray intensive, and the spreading of the loins allows for a relatively thorough emptying of the bladder. Spread legs slightly for optimal effect.

Now as most people are aware, the muscular control involved in a complete urination is a bit complex: there is the standard contraction that initiates and sustains urination, but at the end, you squeeze your PC muscle to get that last squirt out. Now after you do the PC squeeze a couple times, place your right thumb on the dorsal base of your penis (dorsal is upper, ventral is the surface that faces floor), and your index finger (of same hand) on the perineum. You should do this so that the fist your hand makes leaves your palm facing to the right (right palm).

( http://classes.kumc.edu/son/nrsg835/images/perineum.GIF )

You now have a pinch grip, so go ahead and squeeze your fingers. Once you have a firm grip in squeezed position, slide your hand upwards, in the direction of your shaft. The loose skin will allow you to do this without actually sliding your fingers against the skin. This will bring any residual urine up to the shaft area. If you do it right, your balls won't get in the way, since they can hang to the side.

Continue to slide your right hand upwards, and those last residual drops of urine will exit your urethra, at which point you can let them drip onto your left fingers, or absorb them with tissue paper. Either way, be sure to wash hands thoroughly.

Say goodbye to urine drip forever. This is the best technique I have developed for such purposes.

It sounds complicated, but I just wanted to give as unambiguous and detailed description as possible. In reality, it takes a couple extra seconds, and is very easy and intuitive.

Post by **-Replicant-** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 2:24 am

I've always done that, or at least a derivative of it (with a shake thrown in for good measure)....doesn't everyone?

Post by **Bdw3** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 2:25 am

:lol:

Awesome. :icon14:

Post by **+JuggerNaut+** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 2:27 am

geez, and i thought kneeling in front of my own toilets and closing lid before flushing was enough. i'll try this at next leak.

Post by **mjrpes** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 2:36 am

+JuggerNaut+ wrote:geez, and i thought kneeling in front of my own toilets and closing lid before flushing was enough. i'll try this at next leak.

Give us your impressions when you get back next leak.

Post by **+JuggerNaut+** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 2:49 am

mjrpes wrote:
+JuggerNaut+ wrote:geez, and i thought kneeling in front of my own toilets and closing lid before flushing was enough. i'll try this at next leak.
Give us your impressions when you get back next leak.

was planning on it.

hey, was it your bday or not?

Post by **Scourge** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 2:56 am

I stand and don't have a drip problem.

Post by **+JuggerNaut+** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 3:04 am

scourge34 wrote:I stand and don't have a drip problem.

that's cuz your butthuggers are soaking it up.

Post by **bork[e]** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 3:05 am

anyone that sits while pissing is a total fag...blahahaha, fags.

Post by **Nightshade** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 3:09 am

Jules, you're completely out of your fucking tree.

Post by **Scourge** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 3:11 am

+JuggerNaut+ wrote:
scourge34 wrote:I stand and don't have a drip problem.
that's cuz your butthuggers are soaking it up.

Oh, thought I was on to something.

Post by **mjrpes** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 3:20 am

+JuggerNaut+ wrote:
mjrpes wrote:
+JuggerNaut+ wrote:geez, and i thought kneeling in front of my own toilets and closing lid before flushing was enough. i'll try this at next leak.
Give us your impressions when you get back next leak.
was planning on it.

hey, was it your bday or not?

moi? when did that come up? (september 5 btw)

Post by **Canidae** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 3:24 am

If you piss standing up at home you're a total flintstone

Post by **Scourge** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 3:25 am

Canidae wrote:If you piss standing up at home you're a total flintstone

Call me Fred.

Post by **zeeko** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 3:50 am

and i guess I'll be barney...

Post by **Bacon** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 3:59 am

I didn't even have to read who made this topic to know it was you jules :lol:

Post by **Canidae** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 4:01 am

zeeko wrote:and i guess I'll be barney...

Guess that makes me Wilma.

Post by **zeeko** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 4:13 am

shirley you jest

Post by **+JuggerNaut+** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 4:27 am

mjrpes wrote:
+JuggerNaut+ wrote:
mjrpes wrote: Give us your impressions when you get back next leak.
was planning on it.

hey, was it your bday or not?
moi? when did that come up? (september 5 btw)

wrong "M", my mistake :icon30:

p.s. drank almost 32oz of water hoping to go, but not yet :\

Post by **S@M** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 4:32 am

this is pretty much word for word what you posted last year Jules. When is the thread on how to wipe your ass coming back?

Post by **Scourge** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 4:37 am

S@M wrote:this is pretty much word for word what you posted last year Jules. When is the thread on how to wipe your ass coming back?

I was thinking the same thing. Lol.

Post by **mjrpes** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 4:45 am

S@M wrote:this is pretty much word for word what you posted last year Jules. When is the thread on how to wipe your ass coming back?

Yeah really, I need to know how to wipe my ass properly. I've been using my gamecube controller, but feel I'm doing some wrong. Save us Jules, save us!

Post by **S@M** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 6:16 am

doh, not the game cube controller

rofls

Post by **[xeno]Julios** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 6:20 am

S@M wrote:this is pretty much word for word what you posted last year Jules. When is the thread on how to wipe your ass coming back?

african buttercups i must be getting old.

The thread on how to wipe one's ass is never coming back because it never existed.

You see, I never explained how to wipe your ass - i explained how NOT to do such a horrible thing to your anus.

Post by **[xeno]Julios** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 6:22 am

btw i remember Horton saying he would try my bidet method, but he remained conspicuously silent after that.

I'm guessing this means he found it to be a success.