I have been taking epic dumps lately

[plained]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLZCoOwn ... dded#t=280

[CaseDogg]

The URL contained a malformed video ID.

[plained]

lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLZCoOwn0Jo

[U4EA]

If I may, I'd like to steer the conversation in a slightly different direction. Instead of mulling over the epicness of my dumps, I'd like to discuss timing and digestion.

For as long as I can remember, I've been able to control my bowel functions quite precisely. What I like to do is tune my system such that I only need take one trip to the loo in the morning. Thereafter, the rest of the day I'd have no pressure or gas or any such discomfort to deal with. Occassionally, I'd have to take a second one at home at the end of the day. This works for me because I detest using public/work restrooms for pooing, mostly due to my penchant for using copious amounts of water as part of the cleanup process. This isn't easy to arrange in a public setting.

So anyway, this is the way it's been working for me for the past 8-10 years, since I first gave this matter conscious thought. Recently, however, my schedule had been all over the place. I couldn't defecate satisfyingly enough in the mornings, which would then lead to me having to attempt a second one at work. Try as I could, I wasn't able to realign my schedule back to the way I like it. I'd skip pooing for an entire afternoon/evening hoping that next morning it would be epic and then the system would adjust normally following that. But it wasn't to be! I'd get a moderately poor dump in the morning, then have to go again at work.

Obviously, this caused much consternation.

Anyway, I recently chanced to overhear a conversation between a man and a nutritionist. The nutritionist was telling the man not to go overboard drinking water after intaking a large amount of protein shake post workout. He said the excess water would dilute the digestive enzymes and so his body wouldn't be able to garner good usage of the aforementioned protein shake. He also suggested that for 1 hour after consuming a protein shake, water consumption should be limited.

This, then, got me thinking about my own recent water consumption changes. About 4-6 months ago or so, I started drinking prodigious amounts of water during the day. Probably around 4-5 litres from waking up to 5:30 pm. I'd also drink a lot with lunch, probably around 750 ml or so directly after lunch. I thought something similar to enzyme dilution could be happening to me. That being, my food wasn't being fully digested in one go. This could then potentially lead to multiple tiny bowel movements per day.

Well, about 2 weeks ago I tried something. I kept up my overall high amounts of water consumption, but I altered the rate of intake such that I lowered the amount ingested ~30 minutes prior to eating lunch and consumed none at all ~1 hour after eating lunch. I then tried to readjust my cycle back to the way I preferred it. Lo and behold if it didn't work. I'm now once again getting by with just one epic-ish dump in the morning. The change in drinking habits did seem to have a positive effect on my digestive cycles.

This makes me happy

[Captain]

I have a massive toilet-clogging shit every single day

[seremtan]

9823 of them in fact, and counting

[urgrund777]

I have a massive toilet-clogging shit every single day

you shouldn't be flushing your miscarriages down the toilet

[seremtan]

weak

[MKJ]

i concur

[Fender]

pushed so hard i nearly blacked out yesterday

[Peenyuh]

Forget tuh remove the plug again?

[LawL]

moron

[xer0s]

pushed so hard i nearly blacked out yesterday

What a coincidence, yesterday my boyfriend pushed so hard I nearly blacked out.

[seremtan]

lol wut

[xer0s]

A classic Mod post edit. Good to see their doing they're job.

[Dark Metal]

No mod edited that post.

[xer0s]

You're such a badass.

[Dark Metal]

Keep crying, bitch.

[xer0s]

How can I not cry when a hard interpersona such as yourself lays the smack down on me?

[Dark Metal]

Obviously, you can't not. I'd thank you for being my interbitch, but you're as unwanted to me as you are to your parents, except you're here by your choice rather than a horrible non-swallowing incident.

[Fender]

All daddy wanted was a blow job.

[obsidian]

Good to see their doing they're job.

they're -> their
You got them wrong both times.

[seremtan]

that's par for the course around here

[xer0s]

Obviously, you can't not. I'd thank you for being my interbitch, but you're as unwanted to me as you are to your parents, except you're here by your choice rather than a horrible non-swallowing incident.

You can always tell when Dark Metal gets mad cause he posts more than 3 words (which is average for him).

It's ok though. We can look past that and still see your hardened shadow. You're the hardcopy of this message board. A bad mother fucker, if you will...

[seremtan]

"the hardcopy of this message board"

wtf